Once upon a time, in a land far far away (depending on where you're reading this... My reader from Mumbai is pretty far away. You from Fishers, Indiana... not so much) there was a family of five and two dogs. That family went to bed a little late last night, as Ibbat (fictional name, so as to not humiliate the parties involved when they're older and or wandering the dog park... you never want to give the toy dogs an excuse to mock...they can be vicious) had a late basketball game. Little heads drifted off to sleep on their pillows until.... BOOM! Thunderstorms!
Thunderstorm is a strong word for the three crashes of thunder and 30 seconds of rain that took place last night. Thunderstorm mini is more like it. If a hurricane is a 18 wheeler, this storm was Will's (or wait... we're using fake names... Lliw's tricycle). But, the lack of ferocity did not manage to diminish the weenie-ness of some of my housemates.
I wake up to the thunder-ette, and promptly start falling back to sleep after realizing that this storm was so not worth waking up for. However, I hear scratching at my bedroom door. Yeltneb the Beagle was already in our room, so I knew that it must be Ikuyallebyssim, the Great Pyrenees. "She never comes in our room at night," I thought. I opened the door and that 85 pound fur beast made a beeline to our bathroom. I've never seen her move that bod so fast. Not only did she hit the john, so to speak, she dug out the bin of Lliw's bath toys that was between the tub and the toilet. This snow beast wedged her huge self in that teeny space, so scrunched you could only see her polar bear snout sticking out. Nice, Big Dog. Remind me not to turn to you in an emergency. If Timmy gets stuck in a well, we'll check on you in the potty!!! Lassie you're not, Big Girl!
I leave the big dog to her own cowardice and go back to bed. One more thunderclap (which was more golf clap than rousing applause) and I hear Lliw wake up. "MMMMAAAMMMMAAAA!!!!" I go in his room and he says "Someting scare me." I laid down next to him and said that there was nothing to be afraid of. Its just a storm, and a teeny tiny, barely recognizable one at that, so we just need to go back to sleep. So, I covered him back up all "comfy cozers" (I don't know what that means, but its a Lliw/Mama-ism so leave it alone). So, we snuggle and I say "Oh, that's better. Nothing to be afraid of now, buddy." He turns to me and says, "Mama, you need to sleep wiff me? I make you safe. You lucky to have me, Mama." You're right, buddy. I am pretty lucky.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Ode to Mark and Marriage to Same
I receive like 8,000 (yeah right, like I have that many friends) Facebook memes a day. (And if you’re not hip to the cyber speak, meme is defined as: a neologism used to describe a catchphrase or concept that spreads quickly from person to person via the Internet). Basically, it’s like herpes online. Memes go over your first born, your high school experience, name games, Google games, and everything else you can think of. I play some, I intend to play others and never actually do it, and lots of times I just ignore it and move on. This time I decided to play, and what better arena to play in than my blog? It’s my own little Lucas Oil Stadium. I know… could they have picked a worse name??? (Please read that with all of the inflection of a Chandler Bing sarcastic question.)
I am titling this little meme “Ode to Mark and Marriage to Same.”
What are your middle names?
Mark’s middle name is Edmond. Ha. Stifling laugh. Although, it’s his father’s name, so can’t laugh too much or will be cut out of the family. Mine is Ann. Can’t laugh at Ann, as it is 50% of the female population’s middle name. Lynn is the other 50%. I have two middle names and no first. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
How long have you been together?
We’ve been married almost four years (God, it feels like longer… and I mean that in a good way, honey. And yes, I said honey). We dated for a year and a half prior to our marriage. That involves a fraction to total up, so you figure it out.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I hired him about one year prior to our dating. If you’re ever single, get into HR. You get to interview and probe (I mean in a questioning interrogation sort of way) your future dates! Plus, you totally know how much they earn!
Who asked whom out?
Hmmm... I guess that would have been me?!?! We started out as friends, and one day we were both at work on a Sunday and decided to go to the art museum instead of working. I think that was my idea (faking intelligent and artsy only lasted about a minute). Mark now says its his idea. Whatever, Mark... no one cares.
How old are each of you?
I'm 30, and he's (ancient) 33 (although I had to ask him how old and it took him quite awhile to determine if he is 33 or 34). Senility is setting in.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
We both have 1 older brother (and I mean each… this ain’t Kentucky. All my Kentucky readers just deleted my butt). Mine lives in Kansas, and his lives in California. We see mine much more often, and will see him again in April! Woo hoo!
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think our kids. I read in all the pregnancy and first year with baby books that your relationship gets really complicated with children. I didn’t really believe it, but it’s true. Jack, the 6 month old still wakes in the middle of the night, so we are still exhausted most of the time. Will has more energy than a room full of Jim Careys on no-dose and he requires constant attention to make sure he isn’t breaking himself and our house at the same time. And Tabbi. Tabbi is rough. So we struggle with child raising. Love them… kinda hate them sometimes, too. “Hi, CPS, it’s me again. Reading Lynn’s blog again. You might wanna head over there.”
Did you go to the same school?
Nope. He went to Arizona State and I went to Kansas State. Not quite the same.
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. He is from La La Land (yes… Cali-forn-I-A) and I am from Kansas. Again, not quite the same.
Who is smarter?
Aww geez. Who wants to answer this honestly and then have to pay the bill for the divorce attorneys later??? I would say we’re smart in different ways (take that for diplomacy, Hillary Clinton! I should be Secretary of State). He is techno savvy and mathy and sciencey. I am not. I am wordy, more deductive, and let’s just say common sense is not his friend. So, I win that battle hands down.
Who is the most sensitive?
Let’s just say I was diagnosed as “insensitive” when I was pregnant with Will and every person I told said “tell me something we didn’t already know.”
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
McDonalds? Taco Hell? We don’t go out as a couple often, so I wouldn’t say there is a place we go. Sad, huh?
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Toronto for our honeymoon, which was a fab trip, but I hate to travel. HATE IT.
Who has the craziest exes?
I am pretty sure that isn’t a contest at all. One us has had one past serious relationship. The ex has a Masters Degree in Library Science and works at a university library (or so says Facebook). The other ex (who has been married four times now) mooches off their significant other (specific gender not required), once described herself as a Wicca (so I can call her the Wicca Witch of the slightly Northwest of us), and likes to have zero parental responsibility for the kid she shares. Oops, all those pronouns gave it away, huh???
Who has the worst temper?
Hmmm…. Temper? Who has a temper? Not me. Ok, yeah me. I’ve been known to flip a lid over, well, anything. Tee hee… its part of my charm. Right? Seriously, right????
Who does the cooking?
That’s me...part of the arrangement for giving up my career upon Will’s birth. I pretty much decided the day he was born that I was not going to put him in daycare to go back to work. Mark wasn’t too on board, because he was all “gosh, maybe we should be able to pay our bills.” So, the way to a man’s everything is through his stomach and now that I cook, and we don’t care about bills!
Who is the neat-freak?
I wouldn’t say a neat freak… but life is better when crap’s not laying around my house. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Who is more stubborn?
Uh yeah, that should have been under my middle name answer.
Who hogs the bed?
This isn’t painting me as a very good person. I better make a mental note to remove this if I am ever husband shopping again. No one will want me! This would be me again, although more often than not he hogs the covers. Does that count for anything?
Who wakes up earlier?
Mark. He does mornings. I do noons. I used to do noons… now I do mornings too. See temper category. It is exponentially worse the earlier in the day.
Where was your first date?
The first outing we actually called a date was to Chili’s (I know, he spoils me) and then to watch a movie at his apartment.
Who is more jealous?
Who is there to be jealous of? No one else wants our crazy selves!
How long did it take to get serious?
It didn’t take me long to decide he was “the one.” I am a quick decision maker about everything. In hindsight, maybe I should spend more time on the serious stuff.
Who eats more?
The Mark eats. He is an eater, although when I was pregnant… it could have been a tie.
Who does the laundry?
Me. Again, that stays home mom agreement. I’m a slave, people!
Who's better with the computer?
Me. Ignore the fact that Mark is a professional IT dude who earns all the money we live off from his professional ITing. And, ignore the fact that last night I lost a whole tool bar and he had to find it for me. Really, I am a computer wiz!
Who drives when you are together?
This is weird to most people, but it depends on the car. If it is his car, he drives. If we are in my car, I drive. My car is the bigger one with the car seats, so we take it more often, so I drive the most. But, it really is car related.
Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. I would love to see what the other insane (I mean married) folks are like.
I am titling this little meme “Ode to Mark and Marriage to Same.”
What are your middle names?
Mark’s middle name is Edmond. Ha. Stifling laugh. Although, it’s his father’s name, so can’t laugh too much or will be cut out of the family. Mine is Ann. Can’t laugh at Ann, as it is 50% of the female population’s middle name. Lynn is the other 50%. I have two middle names and no first. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
How long have you been together?
We’ve been married almost four years (God, it feels like longer… and I mean that in a good way, honey. And yes, I said honey). We dated for a year and a half prior to our marriage. That involves a fraction to total up, so you figure it out.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I hired him about one year prior to our dating. If you’re ever single, get into HR. You get to interview and probe (I mean in a questioning interrogation sort of way) your future dates! Plus, you totally know how much they earn!
Who asked whom out?
Hmmm... I guess that would have been me?!?! We started out as friends, and one day we were both at work on a Sunday and decided to go to the art museum instead of working. I think that was my idea (faking intelligent and artsy only lasted about a minute). Mark now says its his idea. Whatever, Mark... no one cares.
How old are each of you?
I'm 30, and he's (ancient) 33 (although I had to ask him how old and it took him quite awhile to determine if he is 33 or 34). Senility is setting in.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
We both have 1 older brother (and I mean each… this ain’t Kentucky. All my Kentucky readers just deleted my butt). Mine lives in Kansas, and his lives in California. We see mine much more often, and will see him again in April! Woo hoo!
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think our kids. I read in all the pregnancy and first year with baby books that your relationship gets really complicated with children. I didn’t really believe it, but it’s true. Jack, the 6 month old still wakes in the middle of the night, so we are still exhausted most of the time. Will has more energy than a room full of Jim Careys on no-dose and he requires constant attention to make sure he isn’t breaking himself and our house at the same time. And Tabbi. Tabbi is rough. So we struggle with child raising. Love them… kinda hate them sometimes, too. “Hi, CPS, it’s me again. Reading Lynn’s blog again. You might wanna head over there.”
Did you go to the same school?
Nope. He went to Arizona State and I went to Kansas State. Not quite the same.
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. He is from La La Land (yes… Cali-forn-I-A) and I am from Kansas. Again, not quite the same.
Who is smarter?
Aww geez. Who wants to answer this honestly and then have to pay the bill for the divorce attorneys later??? I would say we’re smart in different ways (take that for diplomacy, Hillary Clinton! I should be Secretary of State). He is techno savvy and mathy and sciencey. I am not. I am wordy, more deductive, and let’s just say common sense is not his friend. So, I win that battle hands down.
Who is the most sensitive?
Let’s just say I was diagnosed as “insensitive” when I was pregnant with Will and every person I told said “tell me something we didn’t already know.”
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
McDonalds? Taco Hell? We don’t go out as a couple often, so I wouldn’t say there is a place we go. Sad, huh?
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Toronto for our honeymoon, which was a fab trip, but I hate to travel. HATE IT.
Who has the craziest exes?
I am pretty sure that isn’t a contest at all. One us has had one past serious relationship. The ex has a Masters Degree in Library Science and works at a university library (or so says Facebook). The other ex (who has been married four times now) mooches off their significant other (specific gender not required), once described herself as a Wicca (so I can call her the Wicca Witch of the slightly Northwest of us), and likes to have zero parental responsibility for the kid she shares. Oops, all those pronouns gave it away, huh???
Who has the worst temper?
Hmmm…. Temper? Who has a temper? Not me. Ok, yeah me. I’ve been known to flip a lid over, well, anything. Tee hee… its part of my charm. Right? Seriously, right????
Who does the cooking?
That’s me...part of the arrangement for giving up my career upon Will’s birth. I pretty much decided the day he was born that I was not going to put him in daycare to go back to work. Mark wasn’t too on board, because he was all “gosh, maybe we should be able to pay our bills.” So, the way to a man’s everything is through his stomach and now that I cook, and we don’t care about bills!
Who is the neat-freak?
I wouldn’t say a neat freak… but life is better when crap’s not laying around my house. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Who is more stubborn?
Uh yeah, that should have been under my middle name answer.
Who hogs the bed?
This isn’t painting me as a very good person. I better make a mental note to remove this if I am ever husband shopping again. No one will want me! This would be me again, although more often than not he hogs the covers. Does that count for anything?
Who wakes up earlier?
Mark. He does mornings. I do noons. I used to do noons… now I do mornings too. See temper category. It is exponentially worse the earlier in the day.
Where was your first date?
The first outing we actually called a date was to Chili’s (I know, he spoils me) and then to watch a movie at his apartment.
Who is more jealous?
Who is there to be jealous of? No one else wants our crazy selves!
How long did it take to get serious?
It didn’t take me long to decide he was “the one.” I am a quick decision maker about everything. In hindsight, maybe I should spend more time on the serious stuff.
Who eats more?
The Mark eats. He is an eater, although when I was pregnant… it could have been a tie.
Who does the laundry?
Me. Again, that stays home mom agreement. I’m a slave, people!
Who's better with the computer?
Me. Ignore the fact that Mark is a professional IT dude who earns all the money we live off from his professional ITing. And, ignore the fact that last night I lost a whole tool bar and he had to find it for me. Really, I am a computer wiz!
Who drives when you are together?
This is weird to most people, but it depends on the car. If it is his car, he drives. If we are in my car, I drive. My car is the bigger one with the car seats, so we take it more often, so I drive the most. But, it really is car related.
Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. I would love to see what the other insane (I mean married) folks are like.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Havin' Babies Through A Straw
*To the tune of Sippin' Cider Through A Straw*
The silliest mom (The silliest mom)
I ever saw (I ever saw)
Had 14 ba- (Had 14 ba-)
Bies through a straw (Bies through a straw)
The silliest mom I ever saw… had 14 babies through a straw!
I told that gal (I told that gal)
I didn’t see how (I didn’t see how)
She’d handle all (She’d handle all)
Those kids right now (Those kids right now)
I told that gal I didn’t see how she’d handle all those kids right now.
But she done found (but she done found)
A real dumb doc (a real dumb doc)
Who’d let her have (who’d let her have)
Her own huge flock (her own huge flock)
But she done found a real dumb doc, who’d let her have her own huge flock!
She’s all alone (she’s all alone)
She got no house (she got no house)
She got no mo- (She got no mo-)
Ney and no spouse (Ney and no spouse)
She’s all alone, she got no house. She got no money and no spouse.
And oh my God, (And oh my God)
Or oh those lips (Or oh those lips)
How will she hold (How will she hold)
14 kids on those hips? (14 kids on those hips?)
And oh my God, or oh those lips… how will she hold 14 kids on those hips???
The moral of (The moral of)
This little refrain (This little refrain)
Is have your babies (Is have your babies)
When yer not insane!!! (When yer not insane!!!)
The moral of this little refrain, is have your babies when yer not insane!!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Mysterious Motor Pool
When I worked for the State of Indiana, we had a fleet of motor pool cars for traveling to prisons, and one day they became possessed. "Exorcist, line one... exorcist, line one."
Our Director's office looked out on the parking lot (fancy, right). Right! A group of us were gathered, I am sure working hard (or gossiping or lounging) and suddenly we heard a car honk. We glance out the window and we watched some sales people come in the door. As they walked, a state car would pop the locks, making the cars honk. Don the food sales guy glanced at the car and kept walking. Later Jim the furniture sales guy came in and he paused as a trunk popped open. He shut it and the locks unlocked. The car starts honking over and over. He disappeared inside the building. Doors continued to lock and unlock on multiple cars resulting in multiple honking cars. Trunks opened. Horns blare. When someone shut trunks, they opened again... sometimes on a different car!
Directly below the Director was the IT office. Those guys (including my guy) looked out onto the parking lot and after multiple honks and trunks, the manly group comes out to investigate. Meanwhile, a crowd of enthralled ladies have gathered at Nancy's window on the second floor to watch the investigation. The locks go; they question. Trunks open; they shut them. Doors lock and unlock. One car. Horns sound repeatedly, then silence as quickly as they came. Another car starts. IT men ponder. They fix things. They are fixers. Trunk pop. Doors lock. Trunk pop. Horns blare. They examine. Trunk pop. Horns. They open the hood. Trunk pops on another car. They look frustrated. Doors unlock. HONK HONK HONK. They pop the hood on another car. Finally, in walks the mass of frazzled IT men. They come up to Nancy's office, because by God something is wrong with the motor pool cars. The gaggle of ladies look natural... all in a line.... all staring at the window, down to the lot where they just were. IT men don't notice. IT men don't observe much, unless its honking. The IT Manager hits Nancy's office first and we say "look, we're watching geese." I am not sure any geese were out there. Just IT men, trying to fix motor pool cars. We are mesmerized by the mystery he unfurls. How the cars keep popping their trunks. Latches must be broken. How the doors lock and unlock. Must be an electrical short. Honking. Lots of honking. Electrical wiring's really bad. We have no idea how that is happening. And to so many cars at one time? IT Manager doesn't notice the silence in the lot right now. Hmmm....
Teresa, the HR Manager, holds up a set of keys and presses the panic button making the horn honk over and over. "Could it be these?"
I can't put Ron's response here, its a family blog. All I can say is... honk 'em if you've got 'em. Its worth it!
Our Director's office looked out on the parking lot (fancy, right). Right! A group of us were gathered, I am sure working hard (or gossiping or lounging) and suddenly we heard a car honk. We glance out the window and we watched some sales people come in the door. As they walked, a state car would pop the locks, making the cars honk. Don the food sales guy glanced at the car and kept walking. Later Jim the furniture sales guy came in and he paused as a trunk popped open. He shut it and the locks unlocked. The car starts honking over and over. He disappeared inside the building. Doors continued to lock and unlock on multiple cars resulting in multiple honking cars. Trunks opened. Horns blare. When someone shut trunks, they opened again... sometimes on a different car!
Directly below the Director was the IT office. Those guys (including my guy) looked out onto the parking lot and after multiple honks and trunks, the manly group comes out to investigate. Meanwhile, a crowd of enthralled ladies have gathered at Nancy's window on the second floor to watch the investigation. The locks go; they question. Trunks open; they shut them. Doors lock and unlock. One car. Horns sound repeatedly, then silence as quickly as they came. Another car starts. IT men ponder. They fix things. They are fixers. Trunk pop. Doors lock. Trunk pop. Horns blare. They examine. Trunk pop. Horns. They open the hood. Trunk pops on another car. They look frustrated. Doors unlock. HONK HONK HONK. They pop the hood on another car. Finally, in walks the mass of frazzled IT men. They come up to Nancy's office, because by God something is wrong with the motor pool cars. The gaggle of ladies look natural... all in a line.... all staring at the window, down to the lot where they just were. IT men don't notice. IT men don't observe much, unless its honking. The IT Manager hits Nancy's office first and we say "look, we're watching geese." I am not sure any geese were out there. Just IT men, trying to fix motor pool cars. We are mesmerized by the mystery he unfurls. How the cars keep popping their trunks. Latches must be broken. How the doors lock and unlock. Must be an electrical short. Honking. Lots of honking. Electrical wiring's really bad. We have no idea how that is happening. And to so many cars at one time? IT Manager doesn't notice the silence in the lot right now. Hmmm....
Teresa, the HR Manager, holds up a set of keys and presses the panic button making the horn honk over and over. "Could it be these?"
I can't put Ron's response here, its a family blog. All I can say is... honk 'em if you've got 'em. Its worth it!
Monday, February 23, 2009
You Don't Get News from the Washington Post
Dear Mr. or Ms. Washington Post Publishers,
My name is Lynn and I am writing to respectfully make you aware that I think you are a worthless rag of a publication and I will never EVER read your articles again. Oh wait, you don't deserve respect, so let's make it a disrespectful notification, instead. In fact, I am pretty sure your paper is no longer fit for the following: wrapping high quality (or low quality) meats, washing my windows, crumpling to start a fire, pressing Silly Putty on, eating fish and chips from, lining birdcages, and/or being seen by the light of day. The subject of today's decision is this appalling, disgusting, not even remotely funny cartoon that some ridiculously brain dead human being (or more accurately someone masquerading as a human being) decided to feature in your paper last week. Idiots, party of... well, however many decision makers let this sucker run!
My name is Lynn and I am writing to respectfully make you aware that I think you are a worthless rag of a publication and I will never EVER read your articles again. Oh wait, you don't deserve respect, so let's make it a disrespectful notification, instead. In fact, I am pretty sure your paper is no longer fit for the following: wrapping high quality (or low quality) meats, washing my windows, crumpling to start a fire, pressing Silly Putty on, eating fish and chips from, lining birdcages, and/or being seen by the light of day. The subject of today's decision is this appalling, disgusting, not even remotely funny cartoon that some ridiculously brain dead human being (or more accurately someone masquerading as a human being) decided to feature in your paper last week. Idiots, party of... well, however many decision makers let this sucker run!
I truly went back and forth over whether or not I was going to reproduce that picture here... but I decided that people who haven't seen it should. Not because I approve (we'll get to that nonsense in a minute) but because it is our responsibility to view what a supposed "news" organization is willing to publish and it is our JOB to then make it known that this kind of publication is completely unacceptable. So, please consider this my notification to you that it is unacceptable. And let's just add a little sidebar that its pathetic that someone should have to let you know that racism in the form of an editorial cartoon is not acceptable. I mean, really, Washington Post people? It didn't occur to you that maybe racial slurs are a poor choice?
I don't blame the cartoonist for drawing the picture. There are stupid people in this world, and unfortunately some of those stupid people can draw, sing, paint and thus spread their hatred and ignorance through their art. But, I blame the Washington Post for giving a hater a voice, and a loud one at that. There is no question that racism is involved in this picture. A monkey has long been a racial slur for African Americans and to draw one and imply that it is the President of the United States (or any other person for that matter) warrants that the artist be terminated and his pencils confiscated. May they be sharpened to dust so that you can never draw again!
I get the whole free speech thing, and I am a liberal at heart, so I even agree with it. But, I also think that we have a social and moral responsibility to not hide behind that. The reality is that the Post ran the cartoon for the publicity. Score one for the Post, because they got it. Everything from The Huffington Post to The View to this blog is talking about it. But, that doesn't make it right. Our world, or at least this country, is not going to get over this kind of social stigma when our newspapers promote it and then hide behind free speech. I applaud the other papers and publications, news programs and comedians who came right out back when President Obama's campaign began and they said "this will not be about race." If they are going to report, mock or satirize the stimulus plan, they will do so without resorting to racial bigotry.
At my job for the State of Indiana, a gentleman (who was more jerk than gentle) was immediately suspended without pay for implying that two coworkers of African American descent were "monkeys." We ended up getting sued, because he said the comment was not racially motivated. In the end, he was reinstated and given back pay. While we lost that battle, I applauded (and still do) our Director for making a stand that such behavior was unacceptable, knowing full well that a lawsuit and penalties could result. I hope that the powers that be in the Washington Post will be strong enough to send that same message. Mr. Drawer of That Picture... you deserve to never have your sketches tarnish the page of another publication again. And, I hope that happens, and when you are unemployed and losing your home... I wonder what you'll think of President Obama (black or white) when he bails your undeserving butt out. And to you, the disgusting people who run the Washington Post... newspapers are a dying breed thanks to the Internet and instant news and let's just say this. After that cartoon, I don't give a rat's ass if you rest in peace!
Signed,
A Former Reader
And the winner is...
Homa!!! Congratulations! I know that its an honor just to be nominated, but in this case, you're a winner! It came down to Homa, Tuffy and Yo Mama (my mama), but the Best Actor category clinched it.
Homa, your gift certificate will be on its way!!!
Congrats and thanks for playing!
Homa, your gift certificate will be on its way!!!
Congrats and thanks for playing!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Oscar Picks - A Contest
I love the Oscars. I love movies. I never get to see movies anymore, but I still love them and I still love the Oscars. Really, I think its the clothes, but who cares. Let's pretend its the movies.I decided to make a little contest with two of my buddies to see who could make better Oscar picks. Now, I haven't seen a single Best Movie picture, and neither have they so really its a crap shoot as to who is coming out on top. So, in the interest of keeping it fair, I am posting our picks here (no change-oes, no cheating).
Let me introduce you to the people involved and the pathology used:
Me! Movie expert (if you consider knowing every line to The Devil Wears Prada and Pretty Woman an expert). Haven't seen hardly anything nominated, so using media 411 to make my picks.
Will! Not so much a movie buff, unless we're talking Mighty Machines or more recently Jay Jay the Jet Plane. He typically pays attention to roughly the first 32 seconds of a film (unless its Nemo where he gets totally freaked out by the fish attack at the beginning and therefore runs at the first shot). He picked his choices based on... well... toddler logic.
Bentley! Again, not a movie watcher. But, willing to sniff anything on the ground. Picks based on names on a sheet of paper and which paper he sniffs first. Basically similar odds to me trusting movie reviewers and media predictions.
Here we go!
Best Actor:
Me: Mickey Rourke The Wrestler. I hear its a long shot, but his dog just died so let's throw him a bone (so to speak).
Will: Frank Langella Frost/Nixon. He just kept repeating Langella and laughing. Apparently if the voting was done by toddlers, the name that's the most fun to say takes it.
Bentley: Brad Pitt The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I think Bent is voting on looks.
Best Supporting Actor:
Me: Heath Ledger The Dark Knight. Will said his photo was too scary, so I don't think he's going to round out the category for us. But, I've loved the guy since 10 Thing I Hate About You, and I still love him even after he died.
Will: Josh Brolin Milk. Will's logic. "I want some milk, Mama!"
Bentley: Josh Brolin Milk. Bentley is a big milk fan, too. Probably his thought process is similar to Will's.
Best Actress:
Me: Meryl Streep Doubt. My dad loves her, so I am just picking her for him. Personally I believe after her performance in Mama Mia, they should strip her of all awards previously won and any pending or future awards, until she provides a written apology to each and every person who watched that film.
Will: Angelina Jolie The Changeling. Again, see Langella theory. "Jolie, jolie, jolie...." lather, rinse, repeat 4,000 times.
Bentley - Melissa Leo Frozen River. Never heard of her. Never heard of it. No clue why Bentley went there... although he likes the underdog. Hey, too bad that movie wasn't nominated!
Best Supporting Actress:
Me: Marissa Tomei The Wrestler. I have always been a fan of My Cousin Vinny. I loved her in that, even if its comedy and comedy gets a bad rap from "The Academy." I'd like to justify that Oscar with a second one.
Will: Amy Adams Doubt. He saw her picture and somehow linked her to Ni Hao Kai Lan. Not sure why this blond haired, blue eyed nun photo evoked the imagine of Chinese Kai Lan, but we're going with it.
Bentley: Viola Davis Doubt. That Bentley... I think he's just being ornery. God forbid he agree with Will on anything.
Best Director:
Me: Slumdog Millionaire. This is the only movie of the bunch I actually want to see (but have three children and probably never will), so I better support it where I can.
Will: Milk. Again "Milk, Mama!!! Chocolate!"
Bentley: The Reader. Don't worry, Bentley was not allowed to see this provocative and risque film. He is only 7 years old, after all. In dog years that is 49, but I hear that still isn't old enough for some of the scenes in this movie!
Best Picture:
Me: Slumdog Millionaire. Who wouldn't vote for Bollywood dancing?
Will: The Reader. Again, clearly not a film he's seen, so don't comment about my bad parenting. Well, you can, but this wouldn't be a great reason. He just wants me to read him a book now. Apparently its Clifford time!
Bentley: Frost/Nixon. I think he's a bit of a history buff.
Want to play with us? Let's make it a contest. A $15 Amazon gift card (hey, I am a stay home mom... that's as much as I've got) to the person who does the best picks. A tie will be broken by scientific random name pulling out of a hatting. For complete list of nominees (only in these categories listed above... no extra credit if you pick in categories we didn't list) go to www.oscar.com/nominees. Good luck! Winner announced on Monday! Entries close (for obvious reasons) before the Oscars start on Sunday.
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