Monday, September 24, 2012

I'm Jealous of a Cow

Yesterday I saw the most amazing thing.  While visiting Fair Oaks Dairy Farm (a must do activity for anyone in Indiana), we went into the birthing barn (yes, on purpose) and watched as a giant mommy milk cow gave birth to her little baby girl.  Here's the mommy and baby just minutes after the birth...
Watching this process was amazing.  It was so natural.  The mama would just adjust her position, push and let nature take its course.  Eventually, a human birthing tech came in and helped with the delivery, and even that, the mommy cow just kept her stoic "this is what I do" attitude and let it happen.  It was amazing.  Then I realized something....  It is entirely possible that other women who have had two children would not be so mesmerized by this calf's birth.  Why?  Because they've done it.  However, I haven't.. not like that.... and I was amazed and a little jealous.
Don't get me wrong... I do not want a life of getting milked and birthing babies like this dairy cow.  But, even though I've had two children.... it wasn't this natural and God given miracle that I saw yesterday.  Mine were cut out.  By surgeons, of course. 
I was in labor with Will for 29 hours, my water broken for as long, and only dilated to 4 centimeters.  The finding was that he was not descending down the birth canal at all, and it becomes dangerous to have your water broken for that long without progressing... bacteria and whatnot.  Plus, American Idol was over (Taylor Hicks had just won), so why not get the show on the road?  C-section it was.  With Jack, they decided upon conception that if Will couldn't descend, Jack wouldn't either.... so c-section number two.
Now, I love my boys and my baby having days are over (though I do want to pursue a career as a cow birther after watching yesterday), but I sat there last night and thought... I wish I had what that cow had.  Not an unlimited supply of hay, but that miracle.  My body didn't do what God built a woman's body to do.  I didn't get the pushing and that elation of the baby sliding out and seeing it for the first time.  I had a curtain blocking the view of my innards.... and the baby wasn't immediately set upon my chest all gooey and slimy, but lovely...  Mine were taken to the incubator, and cleaned while my doctors put me back together and sewed me up.  Several people saw my boys and held them, before I did. 
I didn't know it at the time, and maybe it took watching this miracle happen to realize that while my boys are blessings (most of the time), I missed a little something.  There's a little part of the awe and wonder that I didn't experience.  So even though I don't want another baby, I wish I could redo the birth and do it right...   just one time.