Sunday, March 10, 2013

Confessions of a Crappy Mom...

I was just on Facebook getting some work done (also known as procrastinating) and I saw this cheesy "love your kids" post. It was one of those Facebook equivalents of the chain letter where you have to share or your cat will die, your mom will get Shingles, God will hate you and your head explodes.  This one was about daughters.  If you love your daughter and will give your life for her and will die for her and will save every hair that clogs your shower drain because you have to be near her that bad, blah blah pukety blah... 

Rather than sharing it, instead it made me wonder.  Am I the only one who gets freaking annoyed by the clogs in the drain?  And this isn't just daughters, I mean all children.  Based on the majority of my Facebook friends, either I am the worst mom in the world, they have way better kids than mine, or... they are big, fat liars.  Because while I love my children and would give my life for them... sometimes, I want to duct tape their mouths shut and lock them in a closet.  Is that wrong?

Here's some more evidence...

I got annoyed at my six year old this weekend, because he has a stomach bug that keeps coming and going.  He'd be fine, then he'd puke all over my floor.  Rather than coddle and clean like I know a good mother would, I would heave a hefty sigh of irritation and just stare at it and him for awhile.

I volunteered to run to the grocery store Wednesday night at 7:30 and though I only had 4 things on my list, I put in my ear buds and listened to Pandora while I wandered Kroger aimlessly so I didn't have to come home.

I skipped Will's before school reading program on Friday because I didn't want to get out of bed and take him.

Both my boys tend to do dangerous and stupid things, and I usually pause to take a picture of it before telling them to stop.

Sometimes when any two of the three are fighting, I pretend to not hear it and assume it is Darwinian "survival of the fittest" if the fight continues.

Sometimes when I am driving and the girl is in the car doing her make up and I'm annoyed that she was super late to leave and still not ready, I'll hit the brakes to make her lip gloss smear.

....And those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.