Tuesday, September 30, 2008


For those of you wondering, here are a few updates...

1. Mr. Will's wee is perfectly fine. Thanks for asking. And, no... he did not learn his lesson as he was yelling "Mommy, me lotion" again yesterday. Luckily, this time it really was baby lotion, but next time... I predict Nair or terpentine.

2. Bentley "Mouse Killa" Woof found another sneaky rodent in our house last night, proving my mom right when she said you rarely have just one. Apparently Mickey and his friends have infested my humble abode. Luckily, Bentley the Hunter pointed it out yet again. This time though, Mickey the Second met a more untimely demise. As Mark tried to capture it, the mouse fought bravely and tried to escape the cup and in doing so, was crushed by the edge. Mark disposed of the body behind the BP Connect on Rockville Road though, so the other mice won't know. So really, Bentley is the judge and jury and Mark is the executioner. Mice beware!

And lastly, I have two more reasons why three kids is more than enough....

Reason 2: I went to open Will's bottle of chocolate milk that he got in his Wendy's happy meal and unscrewed the cap, pulled off the foil cover and proceeded to shake. For future reference, the order should be shake, unscrew cap, pull off foil cover. These things should come with directions and/or stain remover.

Reason 3: After returning from a trip to Lowe's with Mark, Will and Jack, I pulled into the driveway and proceeded to exit my car and open Will's door to unbuckle him. Only then did I realize that I left the car on. Luckily, I did put it in park.

Now, you're up to date on the life and times of Lynn and the brood. Stay tuned for more insanity and mayhem from the House of Mouse and Children.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Life... Before and After

I had a girls' night out on Saturday night. No children, no husbands, lots of cheesecake. It was heavenly. Usually after a night like that, I would come home with a million funny stories. While there was no shortage of laughs, this time I left thinking about something more serious than usual.

My friend Amie asked me if I liked working full time or being a mom better. What a question!!! My first real job was at an organization called PEN Products where I not only enjoyed my job, but my coworkers were my best friends. A lot of them still are. So, my first thought was that I missed that camaraderie. I stay home and most of my conversations take place with a 2 year old. I love those conversations, but sometimes it would be nice to talk about something other than diggers and Dora. Truly though, more than missing adult interaction, I miss feeling important. I miss walking into a room and knowing that I had a specific goal to accomplish and getting it done, and laundry just doesn't measure up. (Plus, that never seems to get done). I miss walking into our manufacturing sites and having the people there fear me just a little bit because I was HR and perceived as a person of power. Little did they know I didn't have much, but I ate it up anyway. Its pretty much a given that the children have the power here, so there isn't even an illusion for me to cling to. And as ridiculous as this sounds, I miss the feeling you get putting on business attire and heels and feeling like you could conquer the world. Its just not the same feeling sitting here in my pajama pants and t shirt.

But, what would I miss if I went back to work? I could dust off my favorite Liz mules with the kitten heels that said sophisticated but sassy professional, but when would I get to dust off the play dough and watch Will squish it into a ball and say "Look, Mommy, horse!" You'd never guess it was supposed to be a horse, but he gets so excited when he thinks he's made an equestrian masterpiece. And what would I miss of Jack? I have so many memories of Will getting older and the firsts that I got to witness because I was always here. We learned so much together and I wouldn't trade that for the world. And I can't wait to watch Jack figure it all out too.

So, maybe the answer is that it isn't one or the other. Its not a this or that situation. I wouldn't miss the late hours at the office because someone else's poor planning became my crisis, and I probably wouldn't miss the eardrum shattering tantrums that little Will has mastered these past few months. But as Will sits here smearing his breakfast on his head, as he does most mornings, I can honestly say that this is where I want to be now. Tomorrow... who knows.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Reasons Three Kids are More Than Enough

My friend Lori had a baby at 40+ years old. I can't say the exact age, because if you ask her how old she is, she doesn't know for sure. Its not that she is one of those coy women who pretend to be 35 years old for the rest of her life... its either a math issue so she can't keep up the higher the number goes, or a true lack of caring. I think its the latter. Anyway, when her daughter Sophie was a baby, she used to send out emails of the wacky stuff she would do with the title "Reasons Why You Shouldn't Have Children After 40." Will came along about a year later and I realized that I did none of those absent minded things that Lori did on a regular basis (ex. changing Sophie's diaper but forgetting to put a new one on until the fresh poo came seeping through her clothes). Now that I have Jack, things have changed. I am still under 30 (which I can say for two more months), so its not an age thing in my case. I think its a numbers thing. Three kids may be three too many sometimes. So in honor of my stupidity and that of mother everywhere, I am going to start a list of reasons why three kids are more than enough.

#1: I was taking the kids to my parents' house for the evening and getting all of the bags ready. One would think a competent adult could handle it. Guess not! I got out Jack's pumpkin seat and put it on the kitchen table to adjust the straps, grabbed Will and set him in. Anyone catching on to my error??? Grabbed Will.... the two year old the size of a three year old... and put him in the baby's car seat. One would think that I would immediately take him out but no... I proceeded to attempt to strap him in all the while thinking "this car seat is getting way too small for him." Tabbi, completely confused, just said "uh, Lynn" and I looked at her and then Will and saw the "What in god's name are you doing?" looks on their faces and realized that three kids are more than enough!

Super Woof!!!

Apparently you don't have to be a candidate for Vice President to be a hunter these days, because my fat beagle did us proud last night.

Ladies and gentlemen.... There was a mouse in my house. I saw a mouse on Tuesday crawling up the first step of my staircase and disappearing into the wall. I am fairly certain Mark and Tabbi both thought I was hallucinating when I said it, but I've been vindicated!!! Upon seeing the mouse that first night, I tried to get Bentley to attack. Bentley sniffed the spot and walked away, no doubt in search of people food Will dropped or a cozy spot for his 10th nap of the day. Don't get me wrong, Bentley is a pedigree Beagle, and was once a fine specimen. He was all muscle and put many a dog to shame sniffing around the dog parks. Was is the key word of that sentence. He is now a beagle overfed by a generous 2 year old and corrupted into laziness by his lazy humans.
Last night he sat in the playroom crying while Mark and I finished an exciting episode of Project Runway (at first I thought he was just sad over Suede's demise, but then I remembered that we all hated Suede for his incessant references to himself in the third person). I really just thought he was crying for his bedtime treat (yes, we spoil him), so I ignored it. Finally I walked over to him in an attempt to shut him up and realized he was crying toward the corner. I moved a couple of Will toys thinking there was a stray cheddar chex mix peice and lo and behold... a mouse was in my house. I cut the mouse a little slack since he was in the digger/dump truck area of the playroom. Surely, he just thought he wandered into a construction site... not someone's home. Bentley, however, grabbed him up and proceeded to play cat and mouse (or dog and mouse as the case may be) until he ran it straight into our pantry. While I appreciate his keen nose and mouse spotting, I wish he was a little smarter than to trap the mouse in our primary food storage location. But, I've always said Bentley was all looks and no brains, and that still applies. Luckily, Mark the Brave, then scooped up the mouse in a cup and took him down the street to a neighbor's yard to live happily ever after (my apologies, neighbor!)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Mommy! Me lotion!!!

Just a word to the wise.... Hand Sanitizer is for use on hands only. Please refrain from applying to male genitalia!!!

My "get ready" process is similar to that of a prison inmate, although I have to be faster and it doesn't really involve the same soap dropping dangers. I can only shower when Jack dictates a.k.a when he is asleep (he is the warden of my prison) and I just have to hope that Will (the other inmate) doesn't do too much damage while I am in the shower. Today was the equivalent of a riot.

I showered, brushed teeth, inserted contact lenses, and even made it through hair combing before the alarms went off. I saw that "Yo Gabba Gabba" was about to come on, and yelled that to Will whose whole life's happiness is wrapped up in that weird 70's style show starring a man in a fur hat and orange jump suit. I personally think its some sort of brain washing attempt by crazed Atari players, but Will likes it so I tolerate it. He walks into the bathroom saying excitedly "Mommy! Me lotion, me lotion!!!" I look over and Mr. Brilliant is generously applying Hand Sanitizer to his legs. I swear the next moments took place in slow motion as I realize his diaper is nowhere to be found and his hands covered in the alcohol based liquid are traveling up this thighs to his wee wee. I lunged, he beat me, and the resulting shriek of pain could be heard for miles around. Needless to say, he has spent his time since then standing with his long legs widespread and moaning "hot" while pointing to his now very sanitized private parts!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Step One: The Introduction

My friend Homa is helping me to start a blog. Apparently I need an outlet for my creative juices. Being a stay at home mom, most of the juices I deal with are those flowing freely from my son's "No Leak" sippy cups (what a crock) onto the off white carpet (what a dumb idea). Her guidance is this: you have to have something to let readers know what your about. Ignoring the grammatical error in her advice, I think she is correct... so here goes nothing.

My name is Lynn and I am a Stay at Home Mom. Read that with same deadpan voice as an alcoholic at their first AA meeting. I grew up never wanting kids. I can say that because my kids are not old enough to read it anyway. I never dreamt of marriage and children or any of that Good Housekeeping nonsense. Instead, I wanted to be a... what? I had no idea. I wanted to be some sort of successful something, but with the acquisition of an astonishingly useless BA in English, I wasn't off to a fantastic start. My first job was as an Office Manager for a division of the Indiana Department of Correction and what should have been an 8 week assignment turned into a four year career in Human Resources. I assume it happened in similar fashion to Gilligan and his three hour tour. Only instead of just getting off the island, I managed to hook myself a husband in the process. Who knew that geek with the bowl cut and teen angst black leather trench coat would become my one and only? That is, until George Clooney calls. I have had that easy out clause since day one and I am not giving it up now that he is single again.

With the husband came his daughter from his first marriage. Another thing I never planned. At that time she lived with her mother and was a pleasant but brief visitor every other weekend. A year and a half ago, her mother made it clear that she had no business holding that title, and Tabbi came to live with us. Surprise! Its a girl... a now 9 year old girl who lives here full time and has become the number one cause of my frown lines and gray hair. As I write this, she is passing me a note from her teacher saying we need to call her to discuss schoolwork that Tabbi is not completing in class. I feel like I am going to be sent to the Principal's office.

Two other developments that lead to me switching from HR professional to completely unprofessional domestic engineer are my sons, Will and Jack. Will is 2 years and 4 months, and my friend (Homa again) says that he is just a head nod away from being Rain Man. He has more energy than a cheerleading squad on uppers and is a giant for his age. So, he is able to do just about anything he wants to do because he can reach it all. Jack is 7 weeks, and following in his brother's footsteps of gigantism, so I look forward to the deja vu all over again.

Other than that, I have a great group of friends whose daily exploits will keep me in blog posts for the rest of my life. I also have a crazy grandmother who lives with my parents (she almost moved in with us, but we really dodged a bullet there) and it goes without saying that my fourth child (or husband as he prefers to be called) is nonstop entertainment (once I stop being pissed at whatever he's doing at that moment). I hope any readers enjoy this, and that we can start a dialog about everything or nothing, in the hopes that I can stave off the asylum for a little while longer knowing others are out there in similar situations!