Dear Producers of Dancing with the Stars,
What the hell is this stupid ass cast of people on your show this season?
OK, no one gets off that easy First, let me say this.... My name is Lynn and I like Dancing with the Stars. There, I said it. Admission is the first step. I know the show is terribly dorky, but I like it. Admittedly, I have an addiction to all reality competition shows that ever appears in front of my eyeballs. And, I like the pretty sparkly costumes (although costume is too big a word when certain professionals take the floor in their bedazzled Kleenexes taped to certain "not seen on TV" body parts) and I like the dancing. No blood, no sex (at least not too overt), no mystery... it is what it is and sometimes I like that. And, just to up my ballroom cred a little, I have even attended the finale show. Granted, the tickets, hotel and airfare were free (I wouldn't pay money to be there), but still, at a time when my Will was a wee little baby and I rarely left him to even go out to dinner, I left him for three days to attend the Mario Hosting Guy versus Emmitt Smith finale show. So, like I said... I am a fan.
But, not today. Today I deleted the recorded season opener (unwatched) and I deleted the results show (unwatched) and I deleted the setting to record future shows. Today I deleted my show that I typically made a priority to watch. And why, you may be wondering? Because I don't watch idiots on TV. If I did, I'd be DVRing Jersey Shore not Dancing with the Stars. Granted, AC Slater is no MENSA candidate, but still... The Situation? He doesn't even have a name... he has a noun. This is a man famous for... well... being drunk, overly tanned and obnoxious? I realize George Hamilton was once on the show, but his younger, dumber version just isn't needed. There is more to life than abs... After all, didn't we learn that from Jake Pavelka's demise???
And Bristol Palin? Really? I almost can't dignify her presence with comment. But, no one is that lucky, so comment I shall. Just a little clue to the yayhoos that picked her to be on the show.... she is not a star!!! She is the child of a wack job (ahem... I mean politician) who is only known because she got knocked up in high school and then on again off agained her baby daddy. FYI, I used to work with like 5 middle aged women whose teen daughters followed that same path. Let's put them on next season and have a dance off! If Bristol hadn't entered teen pregnancy statistic land, we wouldn't know her name. Case in point... what are the names of the other Palin offspring? Beside Bristol, I can't name a one, although I think Twig or Twithead might be in there somewhere.
That leads me to The Hoff (really, now we're taking other reality show "has beens"???), Florence Henderson (who they had to bring in an aged partner to dance with so didn't go all pervy Mrs. Robinson on us), and Audrina Pap Seeker from The Hills whose name I know only because she had a nudey picture scandal a couple years ago. Maybe if this stint on DWTS doesn't kick start her "career" maybe she can release a sex tape or have 10 plastic surgeries in one day like that other Hills moron (I mean star).
So, in closing... count me out. I won't watch the train wreck (I mean Tango) being done on the ballroom this season and I politely request that maybe before contracts are done for the next round of dancers, you might want to gauge their annoying and/or idiot factor before signing on the dotted line. Until then, I guess it's House and Hoarders for me on Mondays.