So, I am reading this Good Housekeeping article about a work from home mother coming to grips with the fact that she is an alcoholic, and you know what the sad part is... instead of inspiring me to kick the cocktails, it is kinda making me wish I was a full on alcoholic. Is that wrong? She describes how a box of wine could make her more fun, more tolerant of the things her kids do (things that are cute at 8:00a, but get super annoying around 4:00p), and she was less on edge. I realize that alcoholism is serious and blah blah blah 12 steps yada yada, but I read the article and was left thinking.... I wanna be those things. I want to be more fun, I want to be more tolerant, and I want my shoulders to detach from my ears from time to time so that my neck can see the light of day. So ok, maybe she spent her school's entire open house puking in the bathroom, but is that really such a large price to pay for being... I dunno... happier?
The reality is, I am not going to AA any time soon. I go out with my girls about once a week and have two Bailey's on the rocks, which comes in a shot glass mostly filled with ice. It is probably the equivalent of a quarter of a beer. Then I switch to Diet Coke. So, alcoholism is not gonna make it. I don't do drugs and much to the shock of most people who have met me, I never have. I have never smoked, popped, or shot up anything so, that vice is probably out too. Do you know what that leaves me? Usually Taco Bell. I kid you not, Wednesday was a day from h-e-double hockey sticks and when the kids went to bed, I literally said to Mark... "I want to Taco Bell my bad day away." How healthy is that? Instead of drinking, I eat. So, I won't puke during a school open house, but I may not be able to fit my butt in the itty bitty desk chairs. And you know what... tacos don't make me more fun, or more tolerant and it sure doesn't make me less on edge Instead, it makes me fatter.
So, now what? I guess drinking is out, and food's not working. What do we SAHMs do? Some reader (slash nut job) is going to tell me about the endorphins from exercising, but come on. I am more likely to shoot up than I am to join a gym... so what is left? I love my kids, but by the end of the day the screaming, jumping up and down, tugging on my sleeve, constant fighting over the same toy, can't even go to the bathroom by myself life that I lead can get me down. And when I'm down.... it doesn't seem like anything can pick me back up. I mean really.... somethings gotta give when you start envying the alcoholics.