My house is loud. Crazy loud. I have three kids and a husband who sounds like he has a megaphone permanently glued to his lips. So I spend most of my evenings yelling "MUTE" or "VOLUME DOWN" as if they had voice triggered remote controls attached to their butts. And they don't. For the record, it never works. My voice just adds to the din until I finally just give up and pray for bedtime to come quickly. But, today, instead of wishing for a mute button... I wish I could have a talk button and aim it right at Jack.
My world is a blur, so I don't know if I have written about this or not, but Jack isn't talking yet. Well, that isn't true. He is great with repeating words right now and will scream them at you whenever he thinks it will get him what he wants. "ILCHK" (which means milk in Jackanese) and "NANDY" (candy) are yelled at me constantly. But, by this age he should be putting whole sentences together. Instead, we throw a ticker tape parade when he says "Jack ouchie." Two words and suddenly he's a MENSA candidate.
The good news is that there is nothing wrong with Jack cognitively. He is actually advanced, says our Speech Therapist who comes once a week. He just has an expressive delay. This delay never even bothered me until we had his 6 month meeting this week and suddenly there was talk of meeting with the special education department of our school district when he turns three and the special preschool that they offer. Granted, he just turned two so we have a long time, but still. God forgive me, but I don't want my baby in a special ed program.
I mean no disrespect to that profession or those classes, and I am grateful they exist. A good friend has twins who benefit immensely from the special education programs inside and outside of schools and I am so so glad that they do. But I, like every other parent, just want life to come easily to my child. I don't want him labeled, I don't want him to struggle and I want him to just be fine. I know that makes me sound selfish, but it's true. What seemed like just a minor hurdle in his communication is now looming over me like a permanent disability and I guess I never thought of it that way. Granted, he may still catch up and I am not gonna lie... I pray that he does before he turns three. But, until then I feel like I have a pit in my stomach and what I used to be excited for (both kids in school), I am now terrified of.
So, if you happen upon a magic speech inducing remote somewhere... let me know. And seriously, I'd take that mute button too!!!