Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Curse

Blogging is meant to be cathartic. When something is bothering me, be it trivial like my saggy boobs or political or a current event... I sit down at my computer and tap out my thoughts and suddenly things don't seem so... serious, emotional, scary. Whatever is keeping me up at night then just fades away... even when the problems aren't solved. Just speaking to the masses about my issues makes me feel better. But sometimes, like tonight, as I sit here at 1:31am and type away... blogging can be a curse.

It's a curse because I know that I could pound out my frustration on this keyboard. I could work out the angst like a 1950s housewife tenderizing meat. I could "out" the people that caused it and I could shell out a thousand word essay on why I think what I think and what they can do about it and then head upstairs to peacefully go to sleep. I could do that, because I have a blog. But, I can't. I can't because some things are too close to blog about.

I can't really talk about everything on blogs, because blogs can't be taken back. I can't address people in my real life and say hey, you're an idiot and here's why. Instead, I lay in my bed and compose a post that I can't post and my mental version never has the same desired result. I want to calmly explain to the cause of my mental strife via a computer screen and then show them the way to right the wrongs. But, I can't. I can't and that is why my blog tonight is a curse. Because, I know I could use it eliminate my frustrations and sleep like a baby in about 3 minutes when I spell check and click post. But, I can't. So right now this thing that I so often am thankful for... tonight it is a curse.

3 comments:

Tuffy said...

Maybe the same thing could happen with more open communication. If it's bothering you to that extent, it's worth taking the risk on communicating it.

JD said...

I'd say your restraint in letting it all out is just testimony to your civility. Civility outclasses public rants any day in my book. I have a ton of unpublished blogs, most of which help me blow off steam about people and things that upset me. Then, after my emotional interest in them fades a bit, I just delete them. And feel a whole lot better.

metamorphstorm said...

You could always do what I do - make a second blog, make it private, and let the words you don't want the world to know flow right out. Or, if you enjoy people's feedback and the knowledge that someone's reading, use a fake name - and change the names of those involved. It helps me to do that! :)