If you know me, and by know me, I mean if you've ever seen me in person, you know that I have been out of the Juniors section for awhile now. By awhile, I mean since I was 10. Ok, maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but you get my point. However, even though I am 33 years old and a size 33 (ok, for the record that was another exaggeration), I find myself back in the juniors section... and it is not a good place to be.
Tabbi is a size 3ish. 13 years old, 3 feet tall (that pesky exaggeration again) and a figure that most adults would kill for, meaning a thin waist and a booty... and by booty, I mean it pronounced boo-tay like you would for JLo. So, because of that fab figure.... we have made the leap to the Juniors section. However, I didn't know that our leap was one small step for our kind, one giant leap toward slutdom.
In Juniorsland, they don't just mean clothing size, but the size of the clothing as well. Apparently it is criminal for the Juniors section to offer a bikini where the bottoms fully cover the young lady's hoo hoo (for lack of a better term). God help her if she has hair down there, because its going to show over the top of that joke of a bottom! And the tops... really? Dental floss and triangles makes a top? Maybe if you are 21 and starring on Keeping Up With The (Yes, Rich People Can Be White Trash Too) Kardashians, but not if you are 13 and living in my house! And pants!!! I believe they are technically referred to as pants when the cuffs are on the ground, but the waist is a about 4 inches south of where the border ought to be. And really? Shorts designers.... just because Tabbi has a cute butt does not mean it should hang out of the bottom of her shorts. Remember that phrase "stick it where the sun don't shine?" Let's stop letting the sun shine there, ok?!?!?!
I feel like I need to change the name of this section to from Juniors to Just Hos, because it is no good. In what world should Tabbi be in a size Large when she has nothing on top to speak of? But everything smaller just looks so slut-tastic I can't bring myself to buy it. Maybe its just me and I am not ready for my little girl to grow up, but I don't think so. I think I just don't want her to grow up thinking that the Hooters girls are rocking the most stylish attire. Is that too much to ask?