Monday, April 30, 2012

Noneya and Nacho

A long time ago my friend Lori taught me about Noneya and her brother Nacho.  Their story goes like this...  Lori is talking to me about something private.  In walks Bob.  Bob says, "What are you talking about?"  Lori says, "Noneya."  Bob says, "Noneya?  Who's that?"  Lori says, "Noneya Business.  You know her and her brother Nacho Business."  Get it?  Yeah... I may have been on the receiving end of a Noneya or Nacho once or twice.  It used to annoy me, as I am pretty sure that everything is my business and I cannot stand not knowing something....  but as I walked through my day today, I realized....  Maybe the world's population (or at least my 'hood) need to meet and embrace Noneya and Nacho once in awhile.

I was grocery shopping today at my favorite low cost store, and I ran into a woman I know.  We are not friends and in fact, her daughter is Tabbi's age and I would group her into my "archenemy" category... The Momunists.  You know them, the ones whose collective goal it is to live vicariously through their daughters while making the rest of the world feel inferior.  Alpha Moms.  Helicopter Moms.  Momunists.  I shudder at the thought.  I tried to avoid saying hello, but we came cart to cart and I was forced to fake a smile and say hello.  She then leaps into a passive aggressive diatribe about how Tabbi was cut from our local volleyball club and how is she doing after that heartbreak....  Well, Pretending To Care But Really Being Insulting Lady, she wasn't cut. She made a traveling team (albeit one level lower than Mommy Dearest's daughter's), and she just chose not to play.  Insert Noneya here.  And two, that happened back in November.  If she was cut and still depressed over it five months later, we'd have bigger fish to fry.  By the way, meet my pal Nacho.  Even if she was right and Tabbi was cut, why in God's name would you bring it up like that?  If you want to ask how Tab's doing, feel free (beware of the answer), but don't initiate the question with an insult.  Believe me, Momunist...  your daughter may win on the court, but you can't touch me (or Tabbi for that matter) if you want to have a little verbal sparring match.  Just be glad I have more class than that... even if it was in ALDI. 

Later, I went on to Meijer, and I was putting my goods in my van when an older gentleman walked up to another man and pointed out that his car was parked on the yellow line.  While I recognize that parking between the lines (though not my forte) is the goal, it would never occur to me to go lecture a grown adult about the perils of parking on line.  And before you jump to Good Sam's defense, he was not parked next to the man, and in fact the crooked man in the crooked spot was parked roughly a quarter mile away from any other cars.  So, it made me wonder...  should the crooked man have to justify his parking decisions, or is it another Noneya/Nacho situation?  Is it really our job to be the moral compass of the parking lot, or should we just let the man pack his car and leave? 

I think we (and by we I do include me) spend a lot of time correcting everyone else's faults.  I can give you an opinion (oh, wait...  I am right now) on just about anything everyone else is doing wrong or just doing in general... but maybe we as a society would get along a lot better and need a lot less pharmaceutical intervention if we just let Noneya and Nacho well enough alone.  I know I would prefer it.  (Unless its really juicy, then could you please just tell me?  Thanks.)

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