Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Do Go Changing

You know that song that has the lyrics about not changing to try and please him?  The ones where he loves you just the way you are?  Its here in case you don't.

I was thinking about this song today, because I secretly like Billy Joel AND because its not true.  The song should really say something along the lines of "I'd prefer it if you'd go ahead and change, but that's probably not going to happen so I'll love you anyway."  I'm not sure it has the same ring to it, but it sure rings more true to me. 

In reality, there are plenty of people we "love" but would love even more if they would just be exactly the kind of person we want them to be. Is that really too much to ask? I don't mean little stuff, either.  I have broken my husband of quite a few annoying little traits that I won't mention here.  But, I'm talking about the kind of people who you don't know well enough or they won't love you unconditionally enough to change FOR you. 

I was talking to my mom about someone today, and we both agreed that we wish they would see the unfair things they do that are so clear to us.  That rang a bell about some other people that I spend a good deal of time wishing would change but don't seem able or willing to.  So, it takes us to a crossroads.  These people are not going to change for us.We have to be the changers, and change the way we react to the things they do.  If not, it will stay stuck in our craw (to use a good ol' southern phrase) and they will stay going right on along doing what they're doing.  They don't suffer... we do, because we stew.  But, stewing is a lot easier than a craw removal.

I can talk the talk, but I struggle to accept things I cannot change.  I'd be a terrible AA member.  I want to be able to talk through the issue and let them see the light.  However, that has blown up in my face quite a bit.  Usually its because the thing I am seeing just isn't seen.  Apparently, my light is not universal.  Who knew?  Other times it could be because they see it, but they don't care enough to change.  Another shocker!  People might actually not want to mold themselves into my perfect image of them. Wacky.  So, I am trying to change myself.  To let things go.  Put them down.  Recognize that I cannot change people and make them who I want them to be. What I can change is how much room they take in my head, in my heart and how much time they take up in my day.  I can change that, I think.  But if not, I may need a recommendation of a good craw surgeon in the future.

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