2. If you are deciding between sneakers and steel-toed boots before going to the patch, and you have a broken toe courtesy of your husband and his oafish vacuuming moves, go for the steel-toe. Yes, you may be walking awhile, but snagging that sucker on a pumpkin vine just isn't worth it.
3. When boarding your hayride back to the mainland, do not be nice. Nice guys get left in the corn field. And no, it's not heaven... it's not even Iowa.
4. If you feel a little claustrophobic from the large crowds, bring along a guy with a horrible, hacking cough. If you ever wondered what it looked like when Moses parted the Red Sea... cough in a crowd of small children.
5. If you decide to get hot chocolate and you don't want to juggle it while picking pumpkins... don't leave it in the stroller unless you are trying to colonize a bee hive in the cup holder.
6. Long lines + cold wind + nap time = DISASTER.
7. While it's all fun and games to pick a HUGE pumpkin when your husband is there to carry it, it is no longer fun when you are the one hauling it out to the parking lot and into the car.
7a. Calling 911 out in the country takes a really long time for the paramedics to reach you.
7b. New rule... children may only pick pumpkins that they can carry themselves.