Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Psst... H1N1? Is that you?

Ladies and gentleman of cyberspace... I have an announcement. I have become a complete and utter hypochondriac. Yes, this may come as a bit of a shock to some (but not all since I have declared myself as having chronic mono since 5th grade and had at least one brain tumor headache a month since high school), but it's true. And, what is worse, I have turned my hypochondria onto my children. I am like a Munchausen by proxy mom, without the whole psychotic "making them sick" part. They do that part all on their own.

Seriously, my kids are sick all the time. Insert comment from Lori here (sounds like... your kids are the sickest kids I have even known). They get colds like some famous baseball player that I don't know about since I don't watch baseball catches fly balls. Yeah, that analogy didn't really work, huh? In the past it didn't bother me much. I am not a "rush them to the doctor" kinda gal (after all, I learned from my mom who had me play in a soccer game even though I had pneumonia... not that I am still bitter), but suddenly every sneeze isn't just a sneeze anymore... it's H1N1. I wipe their noses with one hand while speed dialing Dr. G or my dad (whoever can get me a year's supply of Tamiflu fastest) with the other.

Tabbi got sick last week, and when she whined about it, I just told her to buck up. Then, the boys got it. I tell them to buck up too, but they just don't listen. I am sure it's a cold. I am pretty sure it's nothing... and then I watch the news and apparently Channel 6 isn't happy unless we are all sitting in our homes wearing surgical masks quaking in our boots (if you wear boots in the house... which I don't. I am lucky to wear socks, but you get my drift). I have received notification that H1N1 is in Tabbi's school, but again, outside of Trisha Shepard's scare tactics, I still didn't really care. Then, H1N1 hit people I know. Suddenly, I feel like I need to be over protective. Is that stream of snot running down Jack's top lip (I just gagged as I typed that) swine flu, or is it the juicy reminder that fall has arrived? Is Will's hacking cough the hacking cough of just a cold, or is this nefarious and scarily named disease ravaging his body while I sit here and google important things like Lady Gaga's clothes or Gossip Girl rumors (not that I really do that... really, I don't)? Do I lose all credibility with my pediatrician's office by running in with every sniffle I hear or do I sit back and wait for the big one? Why am I channeling Haley Joel Osment only I see H1N1. It's everywhere.


Busy Bee Suz said...

Well, I 'come down' with a brain tumor whenever I have a headache. A bad cough? Most certainly lung cancer. I am with you.
I am trying very hard not to fall into the crazy catagory with the H1N1 either...trying I say. But I did see they have the shot in my town today...thinking of getting for myself and the girls. I will let you know if we survive. Take care, and perhaps order a bubble off the internet, you know for the kids to live in. Sounds good huh??? :)

bernthis said...

I inherited that same condition from my mother. I love nothing more than a good MRI

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Suz - I am glad to know I am not the only one who... uh... exaggerates.

Bern - Really??? MRIs terrify me. I can't stand the banging in the tight space... unless you do the open MRIs??? That could be fantastic.

pat said...

Haha, well me too, I carry antiseptic wipes into the stairwell at work, and run em down the banister where I TOUCH 100 times a day...I also wipe the elevator rails and buttons, the refrigerator handle, any doorknob that comes my way, as well as the bathroom...well suffice to say it gets treated like it had the plague.