Thursday, April 15, 2010

Lynnland: An Introduction

So I received a Facebook message from someone saying that they "love how my mind works." Yeah... I was scared too. Once you clear the cobwebs out, and the gears start turning, I am not sure how my own mind works, let alone why someone would love it. After all, my three closest friends just determined that I need strong medication, not a strong endorsement of the inner workings of Lynnland. So, it made me wonder. Maybe I am not being clear on my blog posts as to how the world of Lynn is operating under the hood. So, today... I am going to unleash the unedited thoughts of me. God help us all.

Firstly, I sat at the computer and immediately was reminded of the pimple/in-grown hair right along the pantie line of my grunders. I sit down and it's like there is a thumbtack on the seat. I've checked several times and there isn't. Just a weird sore/blemish growing out of my lower butt cheek. Yeah... gross.

Speaking of gross... today I emptied one of Jack's sippy cups and the milk that used to be there had morphed into a sippy-shaped cube of goo. I would call it cheese, but the smell more closely resembled that of a biological weapon.

Speaking of smells... have you ever wondered why people offer up something for you to smell after they declare that it smells bad? I have always wondered why people do that. Do they need confirmation that it does indeed smell bad? Like maybe their nose broke, so they think it smells of poo but you might think it smells of roses? And more so, I've wondered about the people that then take a big whiff. I gotta tell you, if you think it smells bad, I am totally willing to take your word for that. I don't need to verify it for myself.

Speaking of "your." Have you ever noticed how many people confuse your with you're? It drives me nuts.

And, do you know how many times I say something "drives me nuts" in one day? I haven't actually counted, because math is not my forte, but seriously, I think I say it every other sentence. I really do. Mark drives me nuts, my kid drives me nuts, Whoopi Goldberg's constant need to defend every person that the other View co-hosts thinks did something wrong drives me nuts... Pretty much every single thing drives me nuts.

And, I don't even really like nuts. Which is odd. I like nuts in things... like salads, pastas, bagels, sundaes... but I don't really eat them alone. I wouldn't sit down and just eat nuts. Oh, except those honey roasted almonds that they sell at sporting events and fairs. I am the same way about cheese. I like cheese on burgers, but not subs, and in things... but I don't like to eat cheese alone. My kids eat cheese sticks, but I don't. Yuck.

Speaking of fairs and the word yuck... I hate fairs. I don't like to be in a huge crowd of hot and sweaty people. I don't want to ride amusement park style rides that are assembled and disassembled on a daily basis and usually have a tire at the center of their operating mechanisms. What is that tire for and is the entire ride really balanced upon that tire? And we really trust these apparatuses built by traveling carnie folk? Like they are highly paid engineers in the off season? Would you walk up to one of those permanently stoned, tank top wearing, no teeth having individuals and ask them to perform open heart surgery? No? Well you might as well if you're (notice proper use of you're) willing to balance in a rusty metal bucket three stories up that is duct taped to a giant hamster wheel sitting atop a rubber car tire that they put together two hours earlier after a rousing game of beer pong. Interesting choice.

And, speaking of choices... I have no idea why anyone would choose to read this ranting. I am done now. And thus endeth the reason why no one should ever tell me that they "like the way my mind works."


Amie said...

I'm sad that the journey into Lynnland included that sippy cup again...I had just gotten over reading about the sippy cup shaped mound of goo that fell out on Facebook, and you reminded me of it again. It made me want to gag.

Although I will eat cheese by itself occasionally, my dad does it frequently. This used to make the guy I dated in high school sick, and he made the mistake of telling me that. So...every time he came over my dad would get a huge chunk of cheese (like the block you buy in the store if you're going to slice it) and take huge bites from that. I'm not sure why I thought of that, but there...there's a journey into Amieland.

Mark said...

I am personally a big fan of Lynnland.

Anonymous said...

Your right. Your nuts. And I dont love you're mind. I just like reading you're blog.

Homa said...


Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Amie - Amieland must be Lynnland adjacent.

Mark - You may be a fan, but you're still just a tourist.

JD - That made me laugh out loud. It's worth an LOL from me, because I NEVER laugh out loud at stuff. Congratulations!

Homa - You know you love it.