So, as I have mentioned before, some people think I need my own reality show. And, actually, I just saw an ad for a show about the geriatric version of Jersey Shore, so maybe watching my family could be considered "good tv" these days. But, I think movies might be more appropriate. In fact, I think we have the makings of three good ones just from this morning.
1. Ice Cold. The Horror Flick.... starring Will as the helpless victim and Jack as the serial killer. Begin scene: Will is a star hockey player and Jack is his jealous fan. Will is playing with the puck as he skates down the ice when Jack decides to play along. Jack steals the puck and Will decides to show who the better player is and he steals it back and deflects all of Jack's future attempts. He easily scores and Jack is triggered into a serial killer-esque rage. Will realizes that Jack is out for blood and runs for it. But, (in true horror film fashion he will be played by a big boobed blond in a tight wet t-shirt), he falls rounding the corner. He drags himself forward as Jack gets closer. Will issues a blood curdling scream as Jack's hands close around his arm. End scene.
This movie is inspired by the fight over the hockey puck that occurred in our foyer/kitchen. Fall rounding the corner and blood curdling scream both historically accurate.
2. Bare Naked. The Comedy... starring Will. Begin scene: Will is walking down the grocery store aisle pushing his cart. The bottom of his pant leg gets wrapped up in the wheel. Will pulls his leg while simultaneously walking forward. His pants are ripped off exposing that he was going commando. End scene.
Movie based on Will's walk in the playroom with the block cart today. Obviously, body double will be hired for the nude scene.
3. Destruction. The Disaster flick... starring me as helpless victim and "natural disaster of scientifically impossible make up" played by Will and Jack. Begin scene: I walk into the bathroom and find a tornado has ripped it apart. I walk into playroom and find all toys spread across the room. I walk into the office and find all my business and bill materials emptied and ripped apart. Victim screams, "Why, God, why?" as the entire house is ripped apart around the victim. End scene.
Movie loosely based on the unravelled toilet paper roll, dumped truck and matchbox car bins, and emptied desk drawers. Liberty was taken with cause of mess and dialog.