Friday, July 30, 2010

Just call me Bad Ass...

I don't know if you have noticed this or not, but I have a serious mean streak. I also have a temper and a lightening-fast tongue and the mean plus the temper times the tongue equals BAD ASS. And this time, my alter ego was unleashed on the teenage swimming teachers. Ok, that makes me sound mean, but read this before you judge. That explains how they threw my little boy off the spring board. And, what you don't know is that they did it again yesterday... even after the discussion we had the first time where his teacher and I came to the understanding that they were NOT TO DO IT AGAIN. So, the following is the recreation of my discussion today. And by discussion, I mean verbal bitch slapping.

I tell Will's teacher Nagem (names have been changed so I don't get sued even though I should sue their teenage asses) and the "Supervisor" of the swimming lessons (and by Supervisor I mean the head teenager in charge "HTIC" because the adult that organizes lessons but is never there doesn't have the balls to return my phone calls) that I need to talk to them.

Me to the HTIC: Hi. You don't know me. I am Will's mom and he is the little boy you threw in the deep end yesterday and I am beyond furious about it.

HTIC: I am sorry you....

Me, interrupting: Stop talking. I want the name of your supervisor now.

HTIC: I am the supervisor.

Me: No, the actual adult person who runs the program. I want his name and his number now.

HTIC: Ok, but he will back me up 100%.

Me: Then I will explain to him how you are all wrong. Now start writing. You have no business throwing my 4 year old child off the diving board.

Tabbi's Teacher Who is an Adult But For Some Reason Still Answers to A Teenager While Teaching Summer Swimming Lessons and is Basically Pathetic "TTWABFSRSAATWTSSLBP": I have been teaching swimming for 30 years and that is the only way to get kids to get over their fear is to throw them in enough times.

Me: No! All you did yesterday was confirm that going off that board is terrifying. Imagine if someone three times your size ripped you away from safety and forced you to do something you are terrified of. Then imagine how you would feel if you were only 4 years old! Not to mention the fact that he went in screaming and came up with a mouthful of water! All you managed to do is teach him that all of his fears come true if he goes off that board. Good work!

TTWABFSRSAATWTSSLBP: Well, I have done it that way for 30 years and....

Me, interrupting as I often do: Well I don't care if you've done it for 30 years and the Aquatic Director, the President and your mom all approve, I said no. I spoke to Negam last Wednesday after the first incident and made it clear that it was not to happen again. When I say no the answer is no. I don't care how you try to justify it.

More argument ensues where I explain to HTIC that her other justifications are crap and basically point to gross negligence on the part of Nagem, but it ended like this...

Me: Here's the bottom line. I brought Will to lessons today because I am not going to have him end on such a negative note. I am not going to have that be his final memory of swimming lessons. He is going to get in today and have a great time and if anyone even thinks about putting him on that board I will end this program. Believe me when I say this... I will end it. And let me make this very clear... you do not want to have a third conversation on this topic with me.

HTIC, mumbles looking down at the floor: Well, I am sorry.....

But I walked out before I heard the rest. Luckily, Will had a great day in swimming lessons today and we ended on a fabulous note. Then, we swam at my neighbor's house where he proceeded to repeatedly jump in off the board without any force at all. Swimming instructors my ass!


Stephanie said...

you need to bring a tape recorder to such meetings. or wear those sunglasses with the secret camera. please. i implore you.

Tuffy said...

The guy is a moron.

I taught swimming lessons for 2 years. I know this.

Mandy Leech said...

Awesome! (seems like there should have been more contact from their side of things... Maybe that will still happen). Yesterday I was thinking that you rock. Today, I know it for sure. :)

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Stephanie - I have had several requests for such a thing. Maybe I need to hit a spy store and see what they have.

Mike - Agree.

Mandy - Thanks! I was afraid I would go on your "parents to hide from" list at school.