Monday, July 12, 2010

I Got My Life Back


That is me breathing a hefty sigh of relief. Why? Because Mark got a job, and actually started it today. Translation: I got my life back.


Looking back, my life in a deadbeat family wasn't as bad as I initially thought it would be. Circa day two, I thought I was going to pull my hair out but really I think we made it through pretty well. There were moments on both our parts where the stress took over and the relationship got rocky, but I give us credit that we were able to get ourselves back on course rather effortlessly. It gives me hope for later years when we're rocking on the porch in our retirement community. Maybe I won't end up smothering him in his sleep after all!

The best part of getting my life back isn't even the fact that I am back on my schedule, solitary owner of the remote during nap time or that we actually had a conversation tonight where no one had to say "I know. I was there, remember." The best part is that I liked myself again today.

I am not a person who stresses out much. Give me a crisis, and I can think it through (except that one time when my hand towel caught fire in the oven and I screamed like a weenie and Mark had to save the day... but I blame that on postpartum hormones). Give me a hard day at work (back when I worked), and I could just power through. But, give me an extended period of time when income didn't show up, but bills still did and I'll show you an unfriendly Lynn. I was worried and stressed and afraid and I was the worst thing imaginable.... OUT OF CONTROL. Talk about torture. Forget water boarding; find a control freak and then take away all control and life is just about over. I was morose.... unhappy.... depressed. Talking to friends didn't pull me out of my funk... even the kids couldn't take me away. I had "Oh my god! Oh my god!" running through my brain on repeat since April 26th and it didn't go away until today. Until I woke up at 7:13 this morning and realized that Mark was at work.


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