Monday, June 15, 2009

Pee pee in the potty.... A Diary

7:30a - Trying to put Will on the potty. Apparently someone has equated sitting on the potty with water boarding, because Will has decided that he is not going to do it. In fact, Will has decided that he would rather be tar and feathered than do it. Will would rather cover his body in honey and roll on a bee hive. Will has decided he would rather swim in a sea of sharks with a paper cut (Will would have the cut, not the sharks) than do it. You get the point. He protested. A. Lot. Evil Mommy "The Potty Training Torturer" forced him to sit on potty bare butted while she read a story. Gitmo has nothing on her! Will continued his protest in the form of a screaming, crying tantrum. Mommy's negotiating style (ex. DO YOU WANT A SPANKING?!?!?!?) was victorious as Will sat on potty through entire story. Upon completion of story, Will decides that maybe he will go pee pee to earn 30 minutes with his "potty buddy," a reeree super cool shooter truck. Will succeeds in going potty and is currently playing with shooter truck while wearing Lightning McQueen grunders. Score 1 for Evil Mommy.

8:40am - Grunders report - dry! Torture session number two began at 8:30am. Forced unsuspecting victim (aka Will) onto potty. Evil Mommy read "A Was Once an Apple Pie" which was actually much more painful for her than for Will. Will sat through story. No pee pee. Will tried after the story... much grunting and effort was put in. No pee pee. Finally, Will determined that he needed to use the big potty. More grunting ensued. SO DID PEE PEE! YAY WILL. Score - Evil Mommy 2... Diapers - 0!!!!

9:51 am - Grunder status - dry again!!! Torture session number 3 began at 9:40am. It was interrupted by TruGreen dude at 9:42am. I apologize, Mr. TruGreen for coming to the door in pjs, glasses and braless. Of course, Will had no pants or grunders, so my lack of bra might not have been quite as odd as Will's lack of anything south of the border. This potty session was a win/win because Will picked a different book (Clifford book called "Teacher's Pet") and Will went pee pee right away. Not So Evil Mommy - 3.... Diapers - 0!!!!

11:09am - Its almost too easy! Mediocre Mommy - 4... Diapers 0! Like taking candy from a baby... or actually, like giving bribes to a toddler... but who cares!!!

12:23pm - Changing name from Mediocre Mommy to Failure Mommy. With 4 minutes to go on the "potty timer" Will informed me that he went potty on the chair. Failing At Training Mommy - 4... Diapers 1. Uh oh.

12:48pm - Making a comeback! Will starting to pee and yelled "MOMMY, ME POOPING!" We ran to the potty and while the poop is still alluding us... he pee peed!!! Can I get a woo woo!?!?! Mommy Rules - 5.... Diapers 1.

12:59pm - I've created a monster. Will yelled "MOMMY, GO PEE" and we went to the potty and he peed. Then he asked for trucks. As a prize. I am making him a sign that says "Will pee for trucks" and putting him at a highway off ramp next to the homeless guys. Super Mommy - 6... Diapers 1... Will realizing he can get oodles of toys in trade for urine... 1.

1:09pm - I've. Created. A. Monster. A monster who likes to pee. Tired of Potty Training Mommy - 7. Diapers 1. Times Will has peed in last half hour - 3.

1:51pm - How is it possible that he wet himself after peeing every 30 seconds?!?!?! Will went out to play and promptly wet his pants... THE FIRST PANTS I HAVE BOTHERED TO PUT ON HIM TODAY! Luckily, my grouchy neighbors have company and all are sitting on the deck outside so that they could hear him yell that he was peeing himself. White Trash Mom - 7. Diapers - 2. Monster who loves to pee in the potty... Gone.

2:32pm - Will goes pee pee upon my request prior to nap time. Mother Earth Incarnate - 8. Diapers -2. Nap time. Thank God.

4:56pm - Nap time's over. Peace and quiet is over. My sanity is over. Oh wait... I haven't had that for years. Somehow Will remembered that potty = death, so it was a fight to get him back on. Once on, that craptastic "A Was Once An Apple Pie" reared its ugly head. No pee pee, but a valiant effort at least. Considering going to the store to buy books that don't make me want to stap my eyes out with the soap dispenser. But, slightly afraid to take the spontaneous pee machine to the store. Hmmm.....

5:43pm - Suggested that Will go pee pee. He agreed without incident and is happily playing with his "potty buddy" truck after a successful urination. Seriously, is this my life? It currently revolves around someone else's bladder. God help me.

6:36pm - Asked Will to go pee pee before dinner. HE DID IT. Picture me singing the "We Did It" Dora song and swinging my arms and knees side to side. He did it!!! Me - 10. Diapers 2. Eat it, diapers!

7:39pm - Will wants to go to the park. Told him that he has to go pee pee first. Will pee peed like a pro. A PRO! Mother of Professional Pottier - 11. Diapers - sad, pathetic score of 2.

8:22pm - Will returned from the park after about 30 seconds so that he could spend time with his "potty buddy." Who knew all he needed to pee pee is a friend. Or really, a truck. Duh.

9:07pm - Will was diapered for bedtime at 9:00pm. He then asked to go pee pee in the potty one more time. He said he didn't want a diaper, he wanted grunders. Well, he got diapers because we all know he's not going potty during the night. So, he is now off to bed. In a diaper. His first diaper of the day. Only two accidents. I think that is pretty good and don't worry, I'll keep you posted. Not as posted as today... but posted nonetheless.

The end.


Anonymous said...

Good luck!! Potty training is no fun. Nice when it is done, it feels like a domestic goddess promotion!

Laura the Famous

Busy Bee Suz said...

Very funny. This was a challenge for me and my girls too. I always gave them an M&M when they did use the potty. Funny what they would do for ONE m&m. But then, that was the only time they got candy.

I am ashamed to say what *I* did for a klondike bar. ;)

Tuffy said...

woo hoo! no diapers by KC - that's the plan.

Wait, is he sleeping in my bed? If so we want diapers at night.

captcha: fluible

Keith Wilcox said...

You have had some serious adventures in the potty training department. Maybe we all have our own stories to tell, but this story is particularly entertaining. Good, luck in the future! :-)

bernthis said...

My kid's first day she pissed in my ex's living room. Just happy it wasn't mine. Doing a great job there general. I'm proud of both of you

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Laura - Clearly, I am not ready for the promotion, as I just fished poo out of Lighting McQueen grunders.

Suz - Seriously! My son is pottying for trucks. I wonder what he'll do later in life for a new truck. Scary!

Mike - Don't count your diaper-free visit until it... hatches??? Its a work in progress.

Keith - Thanks, I need it.

Jessica - Man... whose house can I stick him in so that he can pee there and not here???

Karen MEG said...

Oh geez, toilet training is more like training the parent in patience! I used Skittles and all I ended up giving my girl was a sweet tooth.

Good luck with this...

Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Marinka said...

I'd laugh, but I am too busy getting potty training flashbacks. shudder.

Tuffy said...

Woah, check this out... your post was quoted in a KGB answer: