Monday, June 8, 2009

Scientific Proof

I saw part of Good Morning, America today, and they announced that my kids are killing me. I don't know if you saw it or not, but Robin Roberts announced that "Will and Jack are slowly killing Lynn". I was shocked that she knew that, but who can argue with Robin. Seriously, the woman knows her stuff.

Ok, it may not have been that blunt, but the bottom line is that they have determined that getting too little sleep literally shortens your life. A person needs 7 to 8 hours of sleep to regenerate and fix the damage done to your body during the day. Seven hours of sleep? I haven't gotten that in 3 years and some odd weeks. Probably longer than that, because at the end of my pregnancy with Will I had to pee every 35 seconds, so I am not sure I got much sleep in the interim between potty trips. Then again, maybe I passed out on the toilet a couple times... so it is possible. Plus, he had colic and slept through the night at 1 month old... so maybe 3 years is a bit of an exaggeration. I know for a fact that I haven't gotten that much since Jack was born. So, at a minimum, we are going on 10 months and three nights since I've slept a nice "life lengthening" amount. So, I am toast. Goodbye, cruel world!!!


So, at 7:45a this morning I learned that my children are shortening my life. GMA says so. Now I am left trying to determine how much time I have left on this planet. They didn't tell me how short my life is going to be. I am 30 now... so... what? Maybe I am middle aged. I am googling sports cars and toupees to allow for my midlife crisis that I apparently need to get moving on. Adding "have affair with pool boy" to my to-do list for today. I don't have a pool, so I guess that means I am heading over to Lori or Jo's house today in the hopes that they may have a pool boy stop by. I feel like I need to go skydiving.... Rocky Mountain climbing.... go two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu. But, then again... I bought Bagelfuls at the grocery store yesterday and they are like $4.00 a box with only four bagel tubes of cream cheese goodness inside... so if that isn't living life to the fullest... what is????

3 comments:

Yo mama said...

Off topic: At $4 a box aren't you glad I stopped Tabbi from having two for breakfast today?

the mama bird diaries said...

I knew my kids were shortening my life but I thought it was just all the stress.

That cartoon is hilarious.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mom - Who said she was allowed to have any??!?! Its bread and water for the kids!

Mama Bird - Oh God! Do you think they shorten it AGAIN when they are stressing us out? I'm not going to survive to be 31!