Monday, November 24, 2008

It takes two...

So last night, I asked Mark to change Will's poopy diaper, and you would have thought I said to do it with his tongue or something. It was pretty clear that he didn't want any part of it. Now, its pretty clear that I don't want any part of it either, duh... who does? But I am up to my elbows in poop Monday through Friday, so it seemed only fair that he take one for the team last night. He, later, didn't disagree... but he didn't agree either. It appears that we might have differing opinions of what our "jobs" are. For the record, before Mark leaves a pissed off comment, he is very good at helping out and blah blah blah, so this isn't meant to be a blast Mark blog post. I save those for when they're really deserved (like the Uverse/fish post). But, it does warrant looking in to... what are the expectations of a stay home mom... when Dad is at home, too?A certain someone I know (cough... Homa's boyfriend...end cough) has said that if he is the one earning the money, he expects to not have to do anything at home. I kind of get that. In our house, Mark brings home the bacon (or chicken breasts, or ground sirloin... depending) and I cook it. I take care of the laundry, day to day keeping alive of children, Tabbi homework, etc. Sometimes he cleans the kitchen after we eat, and does the dishes, other times I do it. I don't clean, because we have a cleaning service (thank God and Mark's parents) and he tidies up at the end of the night. Its a pretty good system. But, on the weekends, its a different story.

I left with Tabbi for the morning on Saturday and came home hours later to the exact same thing I left. Dishes strewn about, children undressed, husband in all his greasy unshowered splendor. I walked in and you would think that I was Ed WhatHisName with a check from Publisher's Clearinghouse. I am not Ed Anyone and I ain't got no money. But, the two boys and no mommy supervision was almost more than Mark could take. He breathlessly said "I don't know how you do it" the second I walked into the room. He's never been so happy to see me in our lives. Then, we had the diaper incident on Sunday and I just didn't get it. Isn't he equally responsible for their care as I am? Or, shouldn't he be?

Saturday and Sunday, I believe that we should share responsibilities. I didn't make these three kids on my own, and I had no part at all in one of them. So, I expect that Mark will load a dishwasher with Jack's bottles and change Will's diaper. I realize he works 40 hours a week and enjoys his days off, but I am pretty sure my hours are longer and I don't get any days off. I am still waiting for my vacation leave to kick in, I guess. The interesting thing is that I don't think Mark is opposed to helping out. He seems to take orders pretty well, if poop or lawn mowing is not involved. It just doesn't occur to him to do any of it on his own. But, I want it to. Its a little something called "female insanity" because I fully expect him to know to do everything and resent it when he doesn't or when he does it differently from the way I want it done. But, I don't want to have to tell him to do it, either. And since I didn't thrust this children upon him... and they've been around for awhile, I don't think that is uncalled for in this instance. Figure out the chores and responsibilities of keeping the house running, read my mind to make sure it gets done the way I want it to, and do it. That's not unfair, right?

9 comments:

tuffy said...

it's up to every couple to figure out who does what. there is no set prescription for it. but from what i understand, the stay at home wife really needs a break. and out of love, moreso than responsibility, i hope that mark would give that you. i'd like to say that i would do so in that role. of course, it's easy for me to say...

at any rate, homa's boyfriend is way wrong. homa, make sure he changes this idea before you marry the guy.

much love,

mike

Amie said...

Well...if Mark worked 24/7, then I would agree w/ him, but he doesn't. He gets evening and weekends off. And, I think that in the times that he is home he should share in the household responsibilities. Why should he have all evening to relax because he worked all day when you did the same? I get that he brings home the paycheck, but it isn't as though that's the only thing of value that is being contributed...I think raising the children is equally important.

And...if that's what Homa's boyfriend believes, I think we need a night out with V so she can hear what she's in for.

Mark said...

It is not like I don't help when I get home or on the weekends, the issue I have is when I am told that it is the weekend so you are on break. I am totally fine with doing things like we do at night where we both do stuff.

tuffy said...

uh oh. rule #1 of blogging... don't start inter-spousal arguments on the blog. lynn, you started it. no you guys need to talk about it away from here. and then kiss and make up. :)

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mike - Good advice for both messages. I didn't realize I was blogging a fight, but I guess it turned into one. And here I thought I was being nice.

Amie - I feel bad that I made Homa's man to sound so bad. He is no you know who!!!!

Mark - I didn't know I was on a break... very Friends-like.

Lori said...

Poor Mark. Poor, poor Mark. That's really all I can say...

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Lori - He is the one who proposed. He started it.

Lori said...

Straight from Lynn's fridge...

"#7. Everyone is required to act their age. Immaturity is not allowed and tantrums will result in the highest level of punishment."

Spank her, Mark!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Lori - If I enforced that rule all the time, then you could never come over.