A Secret Wish...

There is a couple that I hold a deep and serious hatred for... even though I don't even know them. This couple is so sickeningly apple pie that they make my blood boil. This couple smiles bigger than a Colgate commercial and giggles like school children. This couple says things like "Gosh golly" and "gee whiz." This couple makes me want to puke. This.... is the couple.

I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I don't really know what Donny and Marie have done to me personally.... but I am pretty sure they scorned me in a past life... because I just want to kick them in the shins and run away. Actually, I would rather kick them in the shins and stand and point as they wallow in the shin pain. I would kick Donny somewhere else, but I am not sure he is anatomically correct (have you seen some of the crap this "man" is willing to wear???), and I am totally sure I don't want to find out. I think they annoy the crap out of me for pictures like this:

Are they rocking out to "I'm a little bit country.... and I'm a little bit rock and roll?" And seriously, if Donny wants to claim to be a little bit rock and roll, I think that Metallica, Elvis and The Backyardigans should band together to kick his a$$ for every time he has ever claimed to be any part rock and roll.

Or... maybe they irritate me because they sing like this:

Or, it could possibly be for album covers like this:

I just watched them in a segment on The Bonnie Hunt Show, and I just have to wonder... is it real? Could two people really be that annoying? Here is what I wish... is it possible that they have invented these personalities to sell crappy music and cheesy dolls to the taste-challenged? Is Donny stopping off on Hollywood Boulevard after his appearance on Bonnie to pick up a hooker or two and head home for an evening of debauchery and sin? And Marie heads her separate way to go home to Utah and chain smoke, swig vodka and smack her boy toys around. Secretly, they hate each other and the whole brother/sister too close for comfort thing is just an act so that people think they are pure and innocent (and possibly incestuous) while they really can't stand each other and Donny had to take an order of protection out on Marie because when he told her that she was off beat on the finale of Dancing with the Stars she kicked the crap out of him. But, don't worry about Donny, because he has been sneaking into Marie's house and injecting her NutriSystem pre-prepared meals with lard behind her back.

Ok, maybe this is too much to wish for... but its a fairytale that I would like to see come true.