Jack, Age 1
I always laugh at bloggers' birthday tributes to their children. Like their 8 month old is going to grow up to read this stuff someday? By the time our kids are old and jaded enough to blog and read blogs, there will be some mind telepathy technology where writing will become obsolete and thoughts just magi-ppear (magically appear... in Lynnspeak) in people's heads. But, today I feel motivated to write one myself. Maybe I am PMSing (which I am sure Jack will be thrilled to read if he ever reads this).
Jack's Birthday Cake
My baby boy turns one today. How weird is that? I feel like I was just pregnant with him. Truly, this year has flown by. I feel much more sentimental about this birthday than when Will turned one. Maybe it's because I know that Jack is my last. Maybe I know that this is the last first birthday in my future. Maybe it's because I now know how quickly this life flies by. Will starts preschool on "tember first" and suddenly I feel like he's going to college soon. Tabbi asks about puberty all the time, which makes me feel like she'll be married with her own kids soon (and no, not literally. This isn't... uh... can't think of a state where I won't offend people so I'll just leave that joke alone). And maybe it's because Jack and I had a pretty rocky start, but I now realize that my life would not be the same without him.
Jack's Smash Cake
When I got pregnant, I was actively trying not to. That birth control pill just can't be trusted. Moreover, I never got excited about it. I didn't glow with the thoughts of baby like I did with Will. It wasn't according to my plan, and I felt like I couldn't handle it. Will was SOOOO time consuming that how could I ever deal with a second one? Even when he was born, I didn't feel bonded to him like I did instantly with Will. I wanted to. I wanted my eyes to be glued to him at all times, like they were with Will, but they weren't. Maybe it was the circumstances or the fact that I didn't have time to bask in his glory because two other kids (much needier despite their ages) took up so much time. And, Jack cried. ALL. THE. TIME. There was no cuddly cute baby goodness. It was loud, screaming, spawn of Satan badness.
Jack's Food Coma
But, now. Jackers. Jack Attack. Jack Jack. He is mine and I love him. EQUALLY. I don't know when it happened or how, but at some point I realized that that crying, screaming, psycho child was wonderful. And I loved him. Maybe it was the medical scares, or maybe it's the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. Maybe its the sweet way he lays his head on your shoulder or the belly laugh that comes when you least expect it. Maybe it's the crease on one cheek when he smiles his super big smile or maybe it's the two bottom teeth gleaming white against his pink lips and gums. Maybe its this babbling that is non-stop chatter with these intonations that crack me up or maybe it's the way he slaps his stomach as a clear attempt to communicate even though we have no idea what he is trying to say. Maybe it's the way he explodes with happiness when my mom or Mark walks in, or the way he waddles to me when he wants a cuddle. Maybe its that silly one finger point at everything or nothing, or the way he'll just randomly lay on the ground for a couple seconds before he gets up and plays again. I don't know what it is, but that kid gets hold of you and there is no going back. So, with all those things in mind, I want to wish Jack the happiest, eye crinkling, smile inducing birthday any one year old has ever had. Happy Birthday, Little Man. Happy Birthday.