Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Google Me - In Triplicate

Ok, I wasn't going to do another Google post for awhile, because I felt like it was getting old. But, with this new set of Googles, I would be remiss in not posting this stuff. They say that one in three people on the computer at any given time is Google searching something. The scary part is that they could be searching one of these queries!

Yak Yram. Someone Googled Yak Yram. I used it as a name on my Who Would Wipe Your Butt post. I got quite a few responses questioning my use of that name, but now that it has been Googled, I feel vindicated in my use of Yak Yram. I mean, that is a really common name. Its not like... well... let's just come up with something random... Mary Kay. Mary Kay would be a lot less likely to be used, right? Instead I used the more common Yak Yram. Not Mary Kay. Yes Yak Yram. Not Mary Kay. Get it? Take a gander at Elocin now that you know my name hiding trick.

Frankel Staffing Sucks. Apparently this search leads to my post called Ode to Uverse. If Frankel Staffing sucks as bad as Uverse, I feel for this person.

Donna Gotti. This leads to my I'll Show You Fat post, where I compared Jessica Simpson's concert attire to the wardrobe of the wife of Mafia boss John Gotti. Maybe Simpson's stylists Googled it to get more clothing ideas.

Again with the lice Googles. Teacher Lice stories and lice training. Again, I ask you. What are we training these lice to do? Here are my top 5 ideas for lice jobs.

  1. Drug sniffing lice. They get into the hair and look for marijuana residue. Why do you think Michael Phelps keeps his hair so short?

  2. Soldiers. Think of all the beards and hair they could infiltrate in the middle east. They would make the other side scratch themselves silly. All we would have to do is walk into a place and take over, because the other soldiers would be so busy scratching, their weapons would be on the floor. Then, when we take over, we can pass out RID to anyone willing to rat out where Osama Bin Laden is. And seriously, we've seen his beard. He'll willingly surrender just for the treatment.

  3. Political Operative. This is a sneaky job, so only the most cunning lice could do it. Let's say someone came onto the political scene relatively unknown. But, this person (let's just say its a woman) starts getting a lot of attention. Not because she is qualified for the job she's running for... but because she's a she. So then, in order to divert attention, you give her lice so that she makes a fool of herself on camera at every turn and no longer appears to be a viable candidate. And no... I am not talking about Sarah Palin. She didn't need lice to make a fool of herself. She handled that all on her own.

  4. Medical Personnel. Hey, if you can use leeches to save people, you can use lice. It will just take a whole lot more of them.

  5. Infertility doctors. Apparently, some of these professionals have the morals of a mosquito, so why not let those blood suckers move on to other careers, and these blood suckers take over. At least you know what you're dealing with when you deal with lice. The other vermin are under cover.
The other odd lice Google was kid has lice in Seattle January 2009. Is that the only time someone has had lice in Seattle? Because I have seen those grunge people, and I highly doubt that lice is foreign to some of those shaggy flannel wearers. But, I am totally curious why this one lice having child in January 2009 is so important. I may Google it myself and see what else comes up (other than my own blog). Stay tuned... if its interesting, I will let you know.

How to Wipe Your Butt. Really? I mean that... really? If you are old enough to log onto a computer and type in "how to wipe your butt," you better already know. Come on people. Go potty. Take adequate amount of toilet paper. Front to back. Discard. Flush. Wash hands for minimum of 30 seconds. The end.

How did I get a tear in my placenta. Well, the injury is called Placenta Previa, but I gotta tell ya... best not to learn important medical information from blogs. The Internet is a scary place for medical info because you never know how reliable the poster is... but let's just assume that anyone writing a blog (unless its called Dr. So and So's OBGYN expert blog) is probably not your best source of medical 411.

Be ready... this is a good one. Paula Deen + Defecating in the drive way. I'm sorry, did Paula Deen defecate in the driveway? Is this news and I had no idea it happened? Extra, The Insider... you let me down. If this happened and Mario didn't tell me...? AC Slater cannot let me down now! Whose drive way did she do it in? OR could the defecation have been Paula Deen recipe induced? I just made her strawberry cake and it could cause me a spontaneous potty break, too, if I ate too much. I bet it happened on Paula's Party. They get kooky on that show... butter highs can be a dangerous thing.

Seriously, that is totally the face of someone who just took a doo on your driveway.


Busy Bee Suz said...

oh my gosh...too flippin' funny. I love the lice getting jobs bit...that would be great!
Poor Paula Deen. It must be all the fat that she cooks with. :)

I just wish i could pull up some of this stuff. My pc has some sort of setting that blocks me from knowing how folks came to me...

Karen said...

Thos Google searches are never ending sources of fun.

Rachel said...

I actually just snorted while eating green eggs and ham and let me tell you, not fun.

Too stinkin' funny!

*my word ver is widcked*

the mama bird diaries said...

No one should defecate in anyone else's driveway.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Suz - I wish you could too, because it is nonstop entertainment. At least for me.

Karen - Seriously. What would I do if I couldn't laugh at people's Google habits. (Answer: laundry, dishes, be productive.) Ignore that.

Rachel - Really, green eggs and ham?

Mama Bird - I agree. At least hit the grass like the doggies do.