Hi, I am Lynn. Remember me? I don't pray much, so I might not ring a bell. My brother does... so you know Mike... yeah Tuffy. I am his sister. You could remember me the way they did at Kansas State... I am Lynn, AKA Tuffy's Little Sister. I come around every now and then... usually only when I want something. I realize that's not really the intent of prayer, but at least I am honestly owning up to it, right? Hey, can I throw a little repentance in here for that? Thanks! Anyhoo, so yeah... I want something. Oops. Maybe the repentance should come at the end. If I forget to write it again, throw it in at the bottom. Cut and paste, if you will.
Anyhoo, (I told you I'm not so good at this) could you please give me strength to deal with my stepdaughter? I need it. I don't feel like a strong enough person to deal with all of her crap. Can you say "crap" to God? Probably not. We've been having a few good weeks, God. You know that... you're everywhere.... not in the shower, right? No one should have to see that... not even supernatural beings who created us. And, seriously God, while we're talking... if you created us in your image, how come some get to look to Angelina Jolie and others get to look like... well, me? Not fair. Oops... probably shouldn't complain when asking for something, right? Right. Back to Tabbi.
She is really struggling, God, and I don't know if I have the ability to deal with it. I know all kids come with challenges, but truly this is beyond me. She creates problems. You know that... you were here last night (and sorry for taking your name in vain so often watching Top Chef, but those cheftestants are a little cocky and it kept annoying me). She intentionally lost that big report and the fit she threw after (when she realized I would make her redo it from scratch) was ginormous. And then the lying and the "poor me, you're so mean to me" act just drives me nutty. I have never been around someone that could make me SOOOOOO mad before. And I used to work with some annoying people. (You know who they were.) I tried so hard not to ground her and make her miss the first birthday party she's been invited to ALL YEAR. But, she MAKES me. How many warnings do you give before you have to act? I am not going to quote the Bible to you (you were there), but I am pretty sure Adam and Eve only got one warning about that apple and bam... consequences! Very Super Nanny... I like that. I gave her more warnings than I typically would just because I didn't want to take that party away, but its like she craves getting in trouble.
Anyway, God, I think my point is that my mortal self just doesn't have the strength for this. I don't have the unconditional love for her that I do my own children. The kind of love that means you still love them even when they drive you batty. You know, the kind you have for... well, all of us. I don't have that for her. I used to care for her and really enjoy our relationship, but I don't even have that anymore. She reduces almost every evening to misery and I feel like its unfair and resent her for it. I feel like four of our happinesses (is that a word, God? Do we need to pray in proper grammar?) is sacrificed for one. (No lightening bolts yet... must be coming.) Mark and I are miserable and Will and Jack are being raised in a house that is in constant tension and often yelling. What kind of childhood is that for them? I know we can't send her back to Mother of the Year, and I know that I am at fault for not having that kind of affection for her. But, God, that is where you come in. I just need the strength to either find it or fake it. Right now I can't do either. Please help me to become the person I need to be to help her become the person she could be.
(Oh and insert repentance for only praying when I need something here.)