1. "10 signs boyfriend has mafia connections." Wowza! If you have to Google whether or not your dude is into organized crime... maybe its time to just say the relationship isn't working. But, in case they couldn't find the signs in their search, I feel qualified to bust some out right here. Afterall, I am Italian and fluent in The Sopranos.
- If you're boyfriend wears white leather loafers and matching belt, he might be a mafioso.
- If you go out to dinner and he slurps his spaghetti with his back to the wall, he might be a mafioso.
- If his answer to replacing appliances is "we'll see what falls off a truck," he might be a mafioso.
- If he seduces you with the words "badda bing badda bam," he might be a mafioso.
- If he has more grease in his hair than a Paula Deen recipe, he might be a mafioso.
- If he introduces himself in public as Thomas Smith, but his real name is Anthony Steffano, he might be a mafioso.
- If his friends only replace his last name with a nickname (Tommy Two Thumbs or Lenny the Lizard), he might be a mafioso.
- If his suits are shinier then your bathroom mirror, he might be a mafioso.
- If your man uses the same decorator as the Vatican, he might be a mafioso.
- Lastly, if he plans dates by saying he'll "meet you at the place where you saw the thing with the people that time," then he might be a mafioso.
2. "Reasons sent to Principal's Office." Is this some teacher just trying to come up with excuses to ditch her students or what? Usually the reason you are sending the kid to the Principal is pretty clear. In Tabbi's case... it is either talking back and/or not turning in school work. If you have to turn to Google it to get a reason, the kid might as well stay in your class.
3. "Dog Contest 2009." I am pretty sure this person wasn't so interested in naming my dog they had to Google the contest to find it. I'd like to think that my dog and I are that important, but I don't kid myself.
4. The ever popular lice Googles. This time my two favorites are "I love lice" eww and "lice not going away." I worry about the person Googling the first one, but I feel you on the second one. Took us about 6 weeks to kill it off for good.
5. "Tara in Seattle." This is a warning to my cousin Tara... someone may be stalking you. If so, let me know and I'll go Matrix on their ass!!! Or at least I will smash them to bits via angry blog posts! I am sure that will have them quaking in their galoshes. (Because its Seattle, so you have to wear rain galoshes... get it?!?!?!?)
6. "Rescue groups too picky." Obviously not the Indianapolis Great Pyrenees Rescue. They gave me a dog, so I am pretty sure anyone with a fenced in yard and cashable check will do.
7. "Frozen propane lines." I am quite sure that Handy Manny was thrilled to come across my saggy boobs and fat rants when looking for actual handyman advice. You're welcome, Mr. Fix It!
8. Lastly, and probably my all time favorite Google that stuck someone unwittingly into the Land of Lynn is "Grunders underwear." I am turning grunders into a household word one blog post at a time. You're welcome, too, Mr. Webster.