Thursday, January 7, 2010

The pee isn't on my leg after all...

So, let me tell you the kind of person I've become. I am now the kind of person that has dried urine on the floor of the bathroom AND I am the kind of person who doesn't clean it up. Oh yes... My name is Lynn and I keep pee stains for fun.

Before I was pregnant, I think around the time that Mark and I were engaged, I went to lunch with some friends and saw two moms that I swore I would never be. They were toting their babies into the mexican restaurant in their sweats and dirty t shirts, and they plopped their kids in their high chairs while they ordered themselves the largest margaritas on the menu. I laughed at those slovenly women and mocked their sweats and stains thinking that I would never be that kind of mother. Well, scoot over gals, because I belong in your club today.... except I don't even have the margarita.

I went into the downstairs bathroom this morning to use the potty when I saw a dried stain at the base of the commode that could only be one thing. Wee. Will's wee wee that didn't hit the potty. Well, I suppose it could be Mark's but in order to protect my marriage and not go running for the nearest divorce attorney, I will just assume it's Will's. I was repulsed, but peed anyway vowing to get the cleaner and do the floor as soon as I zipped my pants. Well, I zipped. Then I realized it was almost time to leave and it's super snowy so I really had to skedaddle and I moved on to the preschool commute instead of pee patrol. Hours later I return to the same bathroom to do the same activity and again... there's the pee puddle. Dried puddle. Puddle remains, perhaps. I say to myself "Self, I can't believe you forgot to clean that, you nasty gross person" and again I vow to 409 my floor the second I walk out my bathroom door. But, then Will is screaming for lunch and I suggest tuna and I forgot about the bio hazard living peacefully on the bathroom floor. Again. Two hours later, I go into the bathroom to help Will with his pants and again there is that yellowy crusty reminder that I am disgusting. I am now that mom that is so frazzled by her children and her life that I cannot focus on cleaning the stain that I keep seeing. I have finally hit that stage of being gross that not only do I have urine on my floor, but I am so gross that it was there for the better part of the day and I just left it there.

Yes, my name is Lynn and I am that mom.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

tee hee hee
Laura the Famous

Amie said...

Okay, but are there stains on your clothes?

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Laura - I am glad you are laughing and not gagging.

Amie - Uh... (wait while I look at myself for a minute)... nope. But I didn't wash my hair today, so that kinda counts.

Amie said...

Not washing your hair doesn't count, you're not supposed to wash it every day anyway. Well, let me add it does count if you haven't washed it all week...that would be sort of gross.

Homa said...

Thanks for that, I just gagged on my bagel...and I bet it's still there.

Karen said...

Welcome to That Mom's Club. I wouldn't recommend eating off the floor, but we do have fun with the boys that make the messes.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Amie - I am an every day gal. I know they say you aren't supposed to, but my hair goes all greased lightning if I don't. So, day old hair is pretty gross on my head.

Homa - For the record, I cleaned it before I blogged it. I do have some standards. Not many... but some.

Karen - Can I get a membership card printed somewhere?