So, let me tell you the kind of person I've become. I am now the kind of person that has dried urine on the floor of the bathroom AND I am the kind of person who doesn't clean it up. Oh yes... My name is Lynn and I keep pee stains for fun.
Before I was pregnant, I think around the time that Mark and I were engaged, I went to lunch with some friends and saw two moms that I swore I would never be. They were toting their babies into the mexican restaurant in their sweats and dirty t shirts, and they plopped their kids in their high chairs while they ordered themselves the largest margaritas on the menu. I laughed at those slovenly women and mocked their sweats and stains thinking that I would never be that kind of mother. Well, scoot over gals, because I belong in your club today.... except I don't even have the margarita.
I went into the downstairs bathroom this morning to use the potty when I saw a dried stain at the base of the commode that could only be one thing. Wee. Will's wee wee that didn't hit the potty. Well, I suppose it could be Mark's but in order to protect my marriage and not go running for the nearest divorce attorney, I will just assume it's Will's. I was repulsed, but peed anyway vowing to get the cleaner and do the floor as soon as I zipped my pants. Well, I zipped. Then I realized it was almost time to leave and it's super snowy so I really had to skedaddle and I moved on to the preschool commute instead of pee patrol. Hours later I return to the same bathroom to do the same activity and again... there's the pee puddle. Dried puddle. Puddle remains, perhaps. I say to myself "Self, I can't believe you forgot to clean that, you nasty gross person" and again I vow to 409 my floor the second I walk out my bathroom door. But, then Will is screaming for lunch and I suggest tuna and I forgot about the bio hazard living peacefully on the bathroom floor. Again. Two hours later, I go into the bathroom to help Will with his pants and again there is that yellowy crusty reminder that I am disgusting. I am now that mom that is so frazzled by her children and her life that I cannot focus on cleaning the stain that I keep seeing. I have finally hit that stage of being gross that not only do I have urine on my floor, but I am so gross that it was there for the better part of the day and I just left it there.
Yes, my name is Lynn and I am that mom.