Wednesday's What the....

Ok, yesterday I was all hearts and flowers and dentures, but today I am taking aim at... well every stupid thing I just don't understand. Hearts and flowers are off for the day.

First... could someone please tell me WHY the women handlers of The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show still insist on wearing short skirts? Pencil skirts at that? I am a HUGE fan of the dog show, watch it every year and every year I sit here wondering why in the name of Lassie do these women put themselves through that torture. Picture an athletic woman (aka not terribly skinny) running along side a Great Dane (meaning long strides on big dog must be matched by long strides on human) in a knee length tight skirt. Their thighs have to stay still because they can only separate their legs under the knees. Maybe we should consider a wardrobe like that to end teen pregnancy? Or for the Octomom? Can't implant embryos if you can't get in there. Anyway, I get tradition, formality and all that hoopla, but if the men don't have to wear skirts then neither should the women. Or, if nothing else would a flowy A line number be out of the question? At least then you could run and not look so paralyzed. If any of you are reading this, Westminster woman handlers, please let me offer my services to you as a stylist. I will be the Tim Gunn of the dog show world!

Second... I know I took on the Octomom awhile ago, and I am not going to say what I've already said once. (What in the hell is she doing having more children on top of the six she already can't take care of??? Ok, I said it again, so sue me.) But, here is my newest what the hell flying in her direction. Why are people comparing her looks to Angelina Jolie? I will admit, I have a bit of a crush on Ms. Jolie. I think she is gorgeous. Let's all take a gander.

Quite possibly the most attractive female on the planet. Oh to look like that!!! Anyway, let's take a gander at the mother of the octuplets in California.

Admittedly, this is not a great picture, but the only thing this psycho (I mean loving mother) has in common with Angelina Jolie is the desire to have a soccer team made up entirely of siblings. Then again, Angelina Jolie has the money to provide for them, so maybe she should just adopt the Octomom's kids. Truly the only thing physically these two women have in common is some big lips, but I am pretty sure Nadya Sulemon's looks a lot more like Lisa Rinna's store bought pair than Angelina Jolie's au naturales.

And really, Lisa? Really? You think that looks good? You should get your own what the hell for those life preservers. (I mean the lips).

And lastly, a great big Wednesday "what the..." goes straight out to Chris Brown and Rihanna. I don't know what happened in their incident on Sunday night, but do these two need to watch a little Yo Gabba Gabba to learn that you don't get to hit your friends? If Chris Brown attacked her, as the media is portraying, then why is he not locked up somewhere facing criminal charges? The allegations about her injuries are atrocious and if they are even remotely accurate then get his butt behind bars and do more than yank away his milk and gum ads. I celebrate the radio station in Cleveland that has suspended playing his music until this is sorted out. A message needs to be sent to young boys (and girls too) that this behavior cannot be tolerated. I have a friend who was in an abusive marriage for years, and I cannot stand to hear about these kinds of stories. Violence is not ok, and if Chris Brown lashed out on Rihanna and attacked her, I would hide, little man. Because she's got some big friends and (while I don't condone violence, but apparently you do) you might come out looking way worse than she does now! On the other hand, and I can hear the boos already, my guess is that Rihanna got violent, too. Reportedly she has bite marks on her arms, and my guess is she wouldn't just hold her arm out to be bitten. A bite (especially on an appendage rather than neck or face) is most often a defensive attempt to get hands off of you. I agree that women are typically weaker physically (and Laila Ali Rihanna is not), so men have NO BUSINESS putting their hands or teeth on a chick. But, let's play fair ladies... we have no business putting our hands (or teeth) on them either. There are better ways to resolve a disagreement. I am a huge fan of verbal warfare (just ask Mark), and I am exceptionally good at it. If you gotta fight, bring on the words. Leave the fists out of it. I don't know who started this fight or why, and therefore I don't know who to send my what the hell toward, but come on both of you?!?!? We're all adults here, and you are adults with the means to get out of any situation. Don't ruin your reputation by resorting to this type of behavior. And, Chris Brown, if you did this unprovoked... then I hope you become some big man named Bubba's boyfriend when you're inside and you can feel what it feels like to be a victim.