Monday, October 27, 2008

Shampoo in My Eye

I am having a bad day. The title of this entry just about sums up the way that my day is going, and please note that it is only 11:03a eastern time. That means there is about 12 hours left to go before I get to go to sleep and wake up to start a new one. That is a really depressing thought.

Just to put things in perspective, before I continue whining, I am not Jennifer Hudson or John McCain, so my version of a bad day is nothing in comparison to a real bad day. Jennifer has lost three people in her family to violent crimes (and while I have disliked her since her American Idol days, I do send out my heartfelt condolences) and John McCain is a looo--seeeer... or going to be soon. So, they are much worse off than me. But, as stated earlier... I got shampoo in my eye. So, my day is bad, too.

The shampoo in the eye is just a starter. I also have two children from hell. Really... I am pretty sure that they are Satan's minions (much like Oprah... but that is another blog for another day). I did check for 666 tattoos or weird birthmarks and didn't find any yet, but I am guessing that stuff must show up as the kid ages. Will has encountered the terrible twos with a vengeance these past few days. His tantrums know no bounds, and they occur over just about everything. So, I have spent the morning diffusing tantrums over the Halloween package my aunt sent (thanks, Barb... and not sarcastically because of the tantrums... but sincerely because if he weren't the Black Knight, it would be a fun package to get), waffles for breakfast that he requested but then decided to throw across the room, the tv channel, the lack of tv channels when Uverse was taken down (YET AGAIN) and changing his diaper. Not to mention the tantrum that occurred after I took the electric toothbrush away when he drilled a hole in the bathroom wall. Don't ask.... just call Super Nanny or CPS... whichever you see fit. Then there is Jack, who has the face of a really fat angel, but a temperament from the fiery pits of Hades. He cries. A lot. And, because they are in cahoots, when Will is settled, Jack takes over and vice versa. I am tempted to put extra shampoo in my eye next time so that I can go to the emergency room for a little break.

And, the shampoo has led to bigger and better issues. For one, I couldn't get my contact in my swollen, mostly closed eye. So, I am wearing glasses. Don't get me wrong, I have cute glasses. But, I always feel like I am still in my pjs when I wear them. Plus, eye make up without contacts is a nightmare, so I look like a blind person applied my eyeliner. My blow out isn't much better. I wasn't wearing the glasses when I blow dried my hair so parts are still wavy, while other sections are straight. It looks like I got tired halfway through and just quit. To make matters worse, we have dinner plans tonight with a couple I don't see often. So, they are going to see me and wonder when Mark and I got divorced and why he remarried Sloth from the Goonies in drag. But on the plus side... my eyeball has never been cleaner.

So, to sum it up, I have demon children, shampoo in my eye, bad hair and make up... and my favorite jeans are all dirty so I am wearing faded yoga pants and a maternity t-shirt. I hope the AT&T guy that has been dispatched to my house to fix my Uverse (which will be the topic of another blog, so stay tuned) is prepared for the carnage he is about to encounter.


Mark said...

Wow and I thought this post was going to be about me(Later post I am sure)

Anonymous said...

I guess if you cleaned your eyeball for me...I suppose I should go get a shower before dinner. See you in a few hours!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mark - Just wait.

Jess - Thanks for showering! Dinner last night was the highlight of my day... although a tooth extraction could have been the highlight of that day, so that's not saying much.

metamorphstorm said...

I had three teeth pulled two years ago, so in no way is that ever going to be the highlight of a day for me! It sucked!

And I got shampoo in my eye about an hour ago and couldn't stop thinking about this post. Ha! Man, did it ever sting! There was so much (I don't know how I managed to miss my ginormous head) that I looked in the mirror and could see white goo in my eye despite fifteen minutes of trying to rinse it out. Blechh.

"But on the plus side, my eyeball has never been cleaner." Well, what do ya know? Shampoo in the eyes, therefore cleaning the eyes, gives us a brighter outlook on life...counteracted by the urge to kill whoever invented shampoo that stings sensitive body parts and/or the person who put those sensitive body parts in range of hair that needs constant chemical-cleanings!!