Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Full House Moment

I don't know if I am PMSing or just filled with the Christmas spirit (or filled with something else), but people these days just piss me off. Not all people (yes my readers... I still like you), but based on yesterday's diatribe on the Momunists and today's post in progress, I am a grumpy grumpy girl. Except really... these people completely deserve it. And for today's deserving group, I am taking aim at the Overly Sensitive Talkers. The mothers and fathers of the world who feel the compelling need to sit down and wax warm and fuzzies with their kids over every single teeny tiny eensy beensy little detail of life in general. Picture Danny Tanner sitting down on DJ's bed to explain why Bobby didn't ask her to the dance. Cue soft muzak in background, hug, single tear and.... end scene. Excuse me, but really? People, really? Did someone provide you a script full of more cheese than a Wisconsin dinner party or do you come up with that crap on your own?

Let me provide an example. Today Will had to have tubes put in each ear. My little man suffers from chronic infections, he had one set of tubes but they fell out and the problem persists so we have just received set number two. Minor surgery, lasts 5 minutes, in and out in a couple hours (most of which is waiting for your turn). He's currently playing with cars and watching Dora the Explorer and all is right with the world. While we were waiting for him to wake up from the anesthesia, my mom and I experienced the pleasure of overhearing someone's conversation. Don't you just love it? Its like taking a peek into the asylum on Super Crazy day. A couple was explaining to their son that his brother is going to hear some sounds for the first time today. It could be overwhelming for him and they all had to be sensitive to that. And, they instructed that everyone remember that when they speak to little Miracle Ear (I changed the name to protect this poor boy who will be ridiculed enough for his parents without my help) in anger, they need to remember that he has never heard that before and he will feel it now. Feel it. At first I was impressed. I thought that Mr. Will was getting ear tubes in the same facility as a child getting a cochlear implant or some other such miracle of modern medicine. Some child, some innocent little boy in that surgery center is going to be blessed with the gift of sound... angels will sing, harps will be played, the hand of God will touch this boy and hallelujah, he will hear his mother whisper her love for him. Talk about single tear. Medicine these days is just AMAZING! But wait, that is my doctor (who we shall call Dr. Pepper... not because its his name but because that is what Will calls him) heading over to the family. Dear Lord! My doctor, whose hands were just on Willabug, held the power to restore the sense of hearing to this boy. We were blessed to associate with such a fine physician. Then I hear Dr. Pepper speak. The waiting room din hushes, as we all wait to hear Dr. Pepper explain how the surgery went, what was this little boy's first sound that he heard? Did it work? OH GOD TELL US!!!! And Dr. Pepper said.... "The tubes went in just fine. Couple drops in his ears tonight, Tylenol around noon and you're good to go."

TUBES?!?!?!?!?! Wha? Huh? The same exact thing my kid got? Are you kidding me? Drama Queens, party of two? Your padded room is ready. I admit that Dr. Pepper told us when Will got tubes the first time that his hearing would improve. He said the liquid in his ears from the constant infections could make it hard to discern certain words. But, ladies and gents... he could still hear. Birds sang, I told him I loved him, Elmo's serial killer giggle penetrated those little ear drums and made it through just fine. Don't get me wrong, I love me some ear tubes, as we went six blissful months without ear infections last time. And, I look forward to even longer bliss this time, but Marlee Matlin doesn't need to sign up because they aren't going to help her. And for this family... give me a break. Before tubes, when Will decided to climb onto the television set, I spoke to him with anger... and trust me... he felt it.

8 comments:

Amie said...

OMG...you would think their kid had been deaf and would suddenly hear again.
I had tubes in my ears when I was little...but one of them didn't fall out like it was supposed to, so my doctor had to remove it. He did so with some long pointy screwdriver looking thing which he jammed in my ear. It caused horrible pain, which caused me to scream...wait...I guess that wasn't a good example of a Full House story. Never mind.

Homa said...

It wasn't "you know who", was it?

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Amie - Thanks for that story. Please refrain from telling Will. I believe he is too young to get it, but let's not take a chance on scarring him for life.

Homa - That is exactly what Mark thought. But no... this person definitely received the level of cooperation warranted by the situation.

Kristy said...

Eh......Ummmm.. My husband was actually considered deaf as a toddler. He had severe pressure in his ears and could barely hear. Which is why to this day he likes drums and a good bass line. They removed the pressure by putting tubes in his ears. In essence giving him the ability to hear. I doubt it is a common thing and the parents were being over dramatic. Umm cheers! Feel free to be crabby at me.. I would if someone rained on my good rant.

bernthis said...

Come on over here to Los Angeles and sit in a waiting room of child actors and their parents. This is tame compared to some of the crap I've heard.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Kristy - Yeah, I am just going to ignore that and decide that my post is still right and the people in the waiting room are nuts. More fun that way.

Bern - I can only imagine! Yet another reason why I will stick to the midwest.

Mark said...

Every time I read this I can't help but laugh and I already knew the story because you told me when it happened.

metamorphstorm said...

The first three-quarters of the post was fantastic. I've always been lucky to have sight and sound, and I've heard stories of people who've lived their lives without a sense (in the eyes and ears way, not the common-sense way) and thanks to modern medicine, they can suddenly see after forty years, or hear after thirty years...it must be like finally being born!

And then, yeah, the last quarter of the post...as the sister of someone who had trouble hearing all her life, I can honestly say that when you`re angry, even a deaf child will know. Hearing it`s one thing, but...I really thought, `It`s gonna be a miracle! A little boy will hear!` and now I feel let down :(