Here's an example. When I worked at the division of the Dept. of Correction, my boss who I thought was a personal friend, ignored our friendship and accused me of something I didn't do. Mark worked there too, and he was transferred to a remote location and a new guy was brought in to do his job. Now I have this uncanny ability to separate work from personal life (another Mafia boss trait... must add to my resume when I apply to be the Godmother.) Girlfriend Lynn felt bad that Boyfriend Mark was now working in an actual prison (not a cushy office building) and that he had a longer commute to work. Employment & Benefits Supervisor Lynn said "good decision" for many reasons (which I will not get into because Husband Mark may not want to hear it and Wife Lynn doesn't feel like listening to Husband Mark's whining) and was totally open minded about the new dude. I did his New Employee Orientation and after was summoned to my boss's office where I got a butt chewing about how I made him so uncomfortable, how he felt like I put him on the hot seat as I grilled him about his qualifications, who hired him, etc. None of that happened. I made small talk and was polite, and my goal was to not let New Guy know that Replaced Guy was my boyfriend so as to not make life awkward. Apparently New Guy's Boss had already warned him about my evil boyfriend-defending ways and made our interaction totally awkward (not my fault) and New Guy went to my boss and made up a load of malarkey. I defended myself to the ground (which is another mafia trait... that's three now) and while we did move on from it, she never apologized for what she accused me of. Not even when he got terminated for rigging our company phone system to allow him to make international phone calls illegally or when she found out he lied about his debilitating (and often the cause of absences) impending divorce and when she found out he was lying about dating one of our co-workers. Signs pointed to him being a CHRONIC LIAR and I still haven't gotten an apology from her for immediately taking New Guy/Criminal/Chronic Liar Guy's side (totally ignoring the fact that she knew me and my reputation for 3 years prior to meeting him). Bitter, party of one!
So, I am sitting here this morning and I am angry about something that happened years ago. And that is not the only thing from the past that makes me mad. Don't even get me started on the 7th grade friends fiasco that I am still steamed about. If anything like that happens, I may interact with the person again, but I will keep it in the back of my mind until I die. I am a shrink's dream, what can I say. I reserve the right to throw the violation at someone if I feel they deserve it even years later. But more often than not, I never do because the situation isn't warranted. Even my example above. I never said anything to my boss after the day she accused me, even when we found out New Guy was such a loser. But, now its been years and I still have pent up irritation about it. So, I have come to the conclusion today that maybe the mafia people are right. Maybe if you leave a barnyard animal's head in someone's bed you get better closure than just sitting on it. Hmmm... now where can I find some horses???