Friday, January 16, 2009

Feminism is dead

My name is Lynn and I need a man. There, I said it. I am admitting to myself and the world that there are just some things I cannot (or more accurately... will not) do. I consider certain things men's work and while I feel women should be treated equally, paid equally and allowed to do equal things... I just don't want to participate in the last one. Is that wrong?

I feel adamant that a man should kill and remove any and all bugs/bug carcasses within the household and surrounding areas. I know that the spider the size of a Tic Tac can't hurt me. I know that it is no match for one of my size 11s coming down upon its body. But, I don't care. Its a man's job to kill that bug and it is my prerogative to get all "girly" and jump up and down and shriek like a tween at a Jonas Brothers concert. I realize that a woman can kill bugs and I applaud any woman that wants equal rights to do so... but I ain't that girl.

I feel that it is a man's job to take out the trash. I assume I took part in this ritual when I lived alone, but to be honest... it doesn't ring a bell. Perhaps I generated no trash until man entered my home. Either way, now that I live with a man, its his job. Trash is dirty, icky, heavy and requires distribution on curb at an insanely early hour of morn, and that just isn't my bag (no pun intended). I don't do dirty, I stay clear of icky (unless its housed within a diaper and then I am deeply entrenched in it on a regular basis) and the only heavy I feel obligated to partake in is Fat Jack. Don't even get me started on early. Anything early is man's work. ANYTHING.

Today, I encountered another item that will be housed in the "man's work" category. Propane heaters. That is man's work. We own a rental property (aka house that wouldn't sell so we rent it and flirt with letting it go foreclosure style if we can't unload it someday) and we have great renters. But, the power went out last night (thanks Mother Nature and your subzero temps... this bills for you!) and their water heater froze thusly they have no running water. The water company and Jeff the Wonder Fixer recommended using a propane heater to defrost the frozen water heater (it is just me or is that an oxymoron???). Mark is at work, and I don't need no stinkin' man for basic household fix its. So, Will and I go to Home Depot. (Technically, since Will was with me I did have the required amount of testosterone needed to enter that store). I rented my 40 million hundred BTU having heater and when Bryant the slightly amused by me Home Deport Tool Guru offered to carry the heater to my car I smirked at him. Pityingly, I said "Oh Bryant... I think I can manage." And with Will's hand in one of mine and the propane heater in the other, I walked out the door. I even sent a look of "Like I need a man's help" over my shoulder to make sure he saw that not only could I carry it, but I carried it with one hand. Lynn 1, Frozen Water Heater 0. I then went to the gas station to buy a propane tank. I walked in, I pretended to know what I was doing and confidently told Mr. Speedway Worker Man that I needed one propane tank... new, not an exchange. He rang me up ($50... propane must be exhaled by unicorns.... or imported from the war torn middle east.... either way that crap is pricey) and he gave me that "Ok lil' darlin'" drawl that is prevalent in Indiana though I have no idea why and said "Lemme get that fer ya'." No, Silly Hick Man... I can handle it. And again, I grabbed Will's hand and my full propane tank in the other hand and away I went. Score: Lynn 2, Frozen Water Heater 0. I then get to the rental house and realize that there is no plug. What? I hook the gas tank to the heater using a hose thingy? WHAT? There is no on/off switch? WHAT?? I need to read the directions on the propane heater thing and light some sort of pilot light without singeing the hair that I meticulously straightened this morning? WHAT??? There are steps and mechanical things and hook ups and gas and fire and quite honestly, my hair is just really flammable right now. I have the extensions and the dye and the pomade and hair spray and I am not going up like a Roman Candle just so my renters have water. Because, let's use our handy dandy logic right now... they can't hose me down when I become a human mushroom cloud. THERE'S NO WATER!!!!

So, needless to say the frozen water heater defeated me and that will from now on go on my list of man's work. Lynn 2 - Frozen Heater 1 million.


Crazy Mo said...

I'm right behind you! I'm not ashamed to admit I need a man either. In fact, the one I have, does it all ... cooks, does laundry, fixes everything. Want me to clone him for you?

Mark said...

Ok the Propane is not the expensive part it is the thing the propane is housed in. Also I told you I could do it after work.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, I laughed all the way through your day!!!! roman candle? too funny. unicorns breath? You are clever.
I have a saying also: "that is mans work" I say it about a lot of things...but since my man is always working...I end up doing quite a bit of it. including the garbage. I really don't mind long as he keeps me in the comfortable lifestyle as to which I am accustomed, it will be ok. :) But I suppose that lifestyle includes me taking out the trash??? I may have been duped.
Love his comment above. Pretty much said to you: I tol' ya' so girly. :)

Alrighty, here is a letter for you in the alphabet meme: L

Veronica Lee said...

Hi Lynn. Welcome to MBC!

SchafhausenHansen said...

I try not to classify it as mans work persay, but just work that basically i picked my husband cause i either hate to do it, or suck at it and i've seen him do it. granted i'm the one who worries about oil changes, and he is a much better cook so maybe we are just confused with our genders natural roles. Anyhow, yeah still love your blog, always making me laugh, maybe you should submit it for a book. :) Have a good rest of your weekend!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mo - Please, send him asap!!!

Mark - Ignore my comment to Mo. You are wise and all knowing and yes, you predicted that this was not a Lynn project.

Suz - Thanks for the letter! And depending how good that lifestyle is... it may be worth it.

Veronica - Thanks. I am still not sure what its about, but if I can be a facebooker, I can be a mommy blogger.

Julie - On most things, I don't call it a gender issue... although in my current world, I guess I do the lion's share of the lioness roles (cooking, laundry, etc.) Merry Maids does the cleaning... so at least I am not quite a 1950s housewife!

Laura the Famous said...

A man's job- James cleaned up chicken poop today!! Woot Woot!!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Laura - Can you send James over to clean up my dog poop? That doesn't seem to be man's or woman's work in my house.