Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dear Jason

Dear Jason,

I am writing because I love you. You have made me the happiest person on the planet and I really think that we are meant to be together forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.



Dear Jason,

Turns out... that didn't work as well as I'd hoped. I really like you...and I loved you when I wrote that message above, but things change. Its been 13 minutes (I had to go get Will out of bed and that took awhile) and during that time things just changed. I think I am going to go ahead and check out that first runner up. You know the drill... if you cannot fulfill your duties then the runner up shall take your place. Hand over the tiara (or diamond ring in this case) because its go time. Thanks anyway!

Dear Jason,

I know this is Lynn's blog, but I hijacked it so I could write to you. I know I chose Jessie, but he cheated on me and so now I know that I picked the wrong person. If he hadn't cheated, I am pretty sure he and I would still be together and I wouldn't be writing you right now... but that doesn't matter. The point is... I am willing to take you as my runner up. That counts, right?
Dear Jason,

If DeAnna can do it, so can I. Betcha didn't know so many famous people read this blog?!?!?! Anyways, I am writing because I watched the Oscars back on Tivo... and I didn't look so hot. I mean, I looked hot. I always look hot... but you're divorced. You, like, know the pressure I am under to look good when the ex is around... and don't get me started on looking good in front of Brad when he has Angelina on his arm! And I took John Mayer? He dumps me on a regular basis and didn't even bother to wash his hair that day. There's no way I came out looking like I've got it all together with him as my date. So, if you don't mind... let's go ahead and let you take John's place. I know you can't sing (neither can he, really) but come on... you look almost as good as Brad, right? Right??? Ok, hold on a bit. Lemme see what Hugh Jackman's up to and I will let you know!



Dear Jason,

I am following in DeAnna and Jennifer's footsteps a little bit. Since this seems to be a forum to ask for second chances, I thought I better follow suit. I like to call myself a maverick, so following people might not be my first choice, but if Lynn can change her mind and DeAnna can change hers and Jennifer can flip flop hers (and just look at what you did to Melissa on national television last night), I guess its my turn. Remember how I picked that lady Sarah Palin for my running mate? (You think you screwed up with Melissa... don't get me started on this one!!!) I'd like a re-do, Bachelor style. Give me my rose back, Sarah! I think you should be my man, Jason. Let's face it... after what you did to an innocent former cheerleader/wannabe elementary school teacher last night, you can take on the Axis of Evil no problem! If you don't mind the whole runner up/hindsight being 20/20 thing... let's get together! I think you are the right choice for my campaign. But if not, we'll just break up at the follow-up show!


John McCain

PS... America? You, out there? I know you elected Mr. Obama... but if I could just get a second chance with you, too? It Runner Up day, after all! Gimme a call! Seriously... call me! Really!


Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh. I love this. YOu summed it up perfectly. I am so mad at that Jason, I would just shank him.
I also loathe, LOATHE John Mayer. I always have and always will.
I love JA, but if she keeps hanging on with John, I will have to give her the boot too.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Ha ha ha ha!!! This is HYSTERICAL! I wrote an "open letter" to Jason on my blog but mine was very serious... yours is much funnier - I love it! :)

Karen MEG said...

I didn't get into the Bachelor this time, but I get snapshots every week from another Mom at the kids' sportball class... she told me there was going to be some sort of shocker... I guess even single dads can be cads.

This was too, too, funny. I couldn't believe the Jen showed up at the Oscars with John either. I think she could do a lot better.

the mama bird diaries said...

I REALLY need to start watching the Bachelor.

Karen said...

Dude, I have no idea who Jason is. I must be the lamest person on Planet Earth.

tuffy said...

I'm not going to lie. I don't have the slightest clue what is going on in this post.

It's probably some pop culture thing or something. I'll stay blissfully ignorant and keep listening to the new U2 album instead.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Suz - Sounds like we are on the same page on all concerned. Why can't everyone be as smart as us?

HappyWife - I'll have to check yours out! I bet he's be inundated with unhappy letters.

Karen MEG - Why is it gorgeous women can end up with greasy men, but not the other way around? I deserve a shot with George Clooney, dammit!

Mama Bird, Karen and Mike - I consider you all much more wise than me for not getting sucked into this reality time waster!!! Don't become one of us!!! Go away from the light of the TV! Did we not learn anything from Poltregeist???