Thursday, March 5, 2009

I am a bad parent

So, serious question for the mamas (and maybe papas, but only if they stay home with their children for extended periods… otherwise keep the hell out). Is it normal to want to lock yourself in your bedroom and hide from your children? And I don’t mean in a “count and come find me” sort of way, but in a “if I am really quiet, eventually they will just go away and hopefully not juggle steak knives while I sit here in the fetal position and cry” sort of way. Is that something all of the SAHMs (stay at home moms) go through or is it just me?

Hello?

Is this thing on?

I had a day yesterday. And I know, we all have days every day, but I am talking about a day. A DAY, PEOPLE!!! I was up at 7:15, which was late in the scheme of things for me (not as late as I want to sleep, but later than I typically get to), but at 7:45 the Tabbi started. When the Tabbi went to school, the Will took over. And when they say “when there’s a will, there’s a way” I think they meant to say “when there’s a Will, there’s a way to drive you absolutely freakin’ batty.” Love him, mean it… but really. REALLY! His fanny hit the naughty step about 9 times today. Nine times. I said no… he said yes. I said sit down, he stood up. I said don’t shut yourself in the fridge; he said… well, it was muffled by the closed door.

Sometimes, I sit here on days like this and wonder what I am doing wrong. Actually, I don’t wonder. I know. Everything. EVERYTHING! I can’t potty train him… I can’t school and human being train Tabbi. Really… I can’t do any of it. I want to go to bed and wake up when they’re both adults. And don’t even get me started on Jack. The update is that he has stopped crying… but he won’t nap in his crib and he is basically this adorably fat little blank slate that I will undoubtedly turn into the disaster that is the other two. Am I alone in this feeling or can I get an amen? Do we all have days when we sit here and wonder why we had kids and what we are going to do to make sure they aren’t mega failures? Am I destined to be that parent on Super Nanny that the world collectively tsks because she has totally screwed up her kids? Or, am I being too hard on myself (yes, please) because having kids is rough and we all have “those days?”

13 comments:

queenofquirky.com said...

Hi Lynn,
It's me. Stephanie from high school. Yup, I read your blog. Love it. (Disclaimer, thank the LORD I am not a parent yet, so have absolutley no authority in saying any of the following. Feel free to disregard as the ramblings of a childless 30-something year-old)You are not a bad parent. In fact, I think the fact that you can admit and vent your frustrations make you a great parent.

And yes, this thing is on. Great freaking post. When you come to KC to visit that brother of yours, please let me know, or you and him are both named mud.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, if only I had a blog about 10 years ago...you are not alone. They can drive you bat nuts on some days. It seems they are in cahoots with each other to make you batty at the same time. I promise you will get through this. It will be a distant memory one day. REALLY. Had my girls been easier, I would have had more. Now, I wish I had just went there, but at the time I thought I would be locked up in a padded room.
You need to ask for a timeout when hubby gets home. An hour maybe? take a bath....hit the book store with a cup of coffee??? something to take you away and get some fresh air...non child air.
It will do you good.
I think they know when you are stressed....they just play on it too.
good luck and take care.
If you see the super nanny pull up, just don't answer the door. she will go away.

kerstinboyer said...

OH no. You are not alone. I just commented yesterday to a coworker that I am actually LOOKING FORWARD to my kid graduating high school so I can have a minute to myself. I fully intend to drop him like a bad habit on that day...ok, not really, but I feel like that on a regular basis lately. Could be that he's 16. Could be that I'm a bad mom (I don't particularly think so, but COULD be). I don't know what it is. But really, you're NOT alone.

AdviceMaven said...

The potty training part totally cracked me up. I remember when my older son was being potty trained and making my best friend promise that "Death by Potty Training" would be put on my tombstone if I suddenly dropped dead.

I remember someone telling me that when you're raising kids that the days are eternal but the years fly by. Now that they're older, we've definitely had a slew of eternal days, but the years really have flown.

Hang in there.

tuffy said...

simple answer to this one:

are all three better because they have you?

I thought so. End of discussion.

And if you're struggling to answer that question, just remember, if they didn't have you, they wouldn't have uncle mike.

Jess said...

Amen.....



(1) you are not a bad parent...you can admit your downfalls, admit when you are having a bad day, and are willing to take advice (even if you just laugh at half of it!)

(2) potty training...i eventually gave up on J and just let him do it himself...wait till its warmer and then let him pee outside...honest to god...worked for me. The second one was much easier to "train" he woke up one day and said he wanted to pee in the potty...and voila...I didnt have to do much work.

(3) I find that hiding in the kitchen while eating whatever it is that I want while forcing them to eat healthy stuff makes me feel better. Also when they've had an extremely bad day...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. This is Marks job (just ask Larry), he needs to bathe, bed, and whatever else the kids so you can go to the store...even if you walk around and buy nothing or sit and barnes and noble reading trash magazines...GET OUT.

I pretty much just tone them out most days.

Kelly Chandler said...

I give you an AMEN! I can't tell you how many days and nights I curled up on the bed, squeezed my eyes shut and tried to "meditate" the noise out of my head. I also find the bathtub the best medicine. I long for the time my husband can take over for about an hour, even if I'm tired and exhausted. I have those days. Being a stay-at-home mom is by far, the HARDEST job I've had and I used to be known as a die hard workaholic. I'm with you!

Mark said...

Ok just for the record I totally don't mind taking over and you can absolutely leave or do whatever you need to when I get home.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Stephanie - We will certainly let you know when we come for a visit. And, thanks for the support. Even if you're a childless 30 something, its always good to hear I am not a total screw (even if you really have no idea!!!!)

Suz - Good advice... screen Super Nanny like I do the Johovah's Witnesses.

Kerstin - Is it wrong that I look forward to that too, and my youngest is 7 months?

Advice Maven - Death by Potty Training? That is hilarious and sooo very accurate!

Mike - Good point! What would life be without Uncle Mike?

Jess - I am pretty sure my neighbors that already hate all the kid crap would go nuts if Will started going potty outside. Then again, that may be worth it!!!

Kelly - I think you're right! Baths at the answer to pretty much everything in my book. Can I come to your house to take it so my kids don't barge in???

Mark - Yada yada yada. Its not all about you.

Anonymous said...

Wow- cool blog post. It is all so true. It is the hardest job EVER!!
Laura the Semi-Famous

Jounice said...

Amen!

I remeber days when I would just close the door and say why don't they freaking go away. I think every Mother has those kind of days and anyone who says "I don't" is lying! All you can do is step back take a deep breath and say "Lord help me not to hang these kids on a hook until their Father comes home"

Hang in there someday it will be better!

Jess said...

Oh Mark, I wasnt saying you WOULDNT do it...I was just saying that sometimes moms have a hard time letting go. Sometimes Larry is literally kicking me out of the house because I dont WANT to leave.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Laura - It really is. Why didn't someone tell me that before I quit my paying gig???

Jounice - The good thing is, they seem to sense my impending implosion. After every REALLY bad day, they turn around and are REALLY good.

Jess - You are exactly right. I am dying to get out, til I have the opporunity and then I get all "but my babies need me."