I am writing to you to let you know that I think your laws suck. I am not sure how you came to be in charge, but I am pretty sure you don't deserve it. You’re no Charles, now are you? But seriously…I don’t remember voting for you. I’ve never heard about the vetting process that put you in power. Have you paid all of your taxes? Really, who appointed your butt???
Specifically, I have the following complaints:
1. When I sweep the floors, it is really necessary for my dogs to track in mud??? I don’t mean ever… obviously floors get dirty. But the second I put the dust pan away, in comes MissyBellaYuki with those HUGE feet and all that black mud. Really? Does it have to be that soon???
2. Maybe just one time, if Jack sleeps unexpectedly late, could Will possibly do the same? I am not sure why one has to wake up at the butt crack of dawn EVERY DAY! Or worse, they both (by the grace of God) sleep in, but I have to be somewhere, so I have to get up and shower instead of bask in the glory of 6 hours of sleep instead of 4.5.
3. This is a big one, Murph. Can I call ya, Murph? Anyway… I never walk around naked. I am a no naked kind of gal. I even leave the room to change clothes when Mark is around. And, unfortunately for him, we have two kids, so I am pretty sure he’s seen it before. But, I am a modest chick. So, why… the one time I run downstairs sans pants (thanks Jack for crying right at that moment.. clearly you and Murphy are conspiring against me) is the one time Mr. TruGreen ChemLawn Hose Jockey is standing right at my front door? I am pretty sure he thinks I am the rudest person on Earth, because I think my cellulite dimpled lily white butt was hidden by the decorative glass (writing thank you note to house builder for putting that door in next), but I know he saw me standing there, so he must still be wondering (hours later) why I didn’t answer the door when he rang the bell, and knocked, and rang the bell, and knocked one more time.
In light of this and all other laws that you have inflicted upon us (please see Alanis Morissette’s Ironic for a full listing), please make like a Hell’s Kitchen chef and piss off.