Monday, March 2, 2009

Minivan Cometh

Ok, so I am getting a minivan and it makes me a little bit nauseous to admit, but with a family of five humans and two fur people... there is really no choice. I have resigned myself to this fact... now all I have to do is prepare. Here is my top 10 things to do to get ready for my minivan.

1. Purchase Celine Dion and Marie Osmond's greatest hits CDs.
2. Start DVRing the reruns of Touched By An Angel on the Hallmark channel.
3. Trade in my choppy layers for the standard mom bob.
4. Make weekly dinner menus comprised of meatloaf, Salisbury steak and other meat and potatoes combinations.
5. Practice taking the phone off the hook at noon so I can "watch my stories."

6. Get the words "sweetie," "darling" and "honey" incorporated into my vocabulary (and direct them toward my husband and kids).

7. Order set of holiday sweaters with sequins and bead work in a color scheme that will match my new van's paint job.

8. Stop meeting at bar for girls' night out, and instead meet at school for PTO functions.

9. Erase all sarcasm from conversation and attitude, and replace with smiles, sunshine and light.

10. Exchange high heel shoe and boot collection for practical Keds.

Check those suckers off the list and I will be minivan ready. Actually does anyone know where to get those family stick figures for my back window? I think I have to show proof of purchase before the dealership will hand over the keys!


Homa said... have to get the holiday sweaters! BUT, not only in Xmas. Why stop there when you can start collecting for every holiday in the year. It's still early, you can find clearenced winter, Valentines day, and now St. Patricks day.

All on one condition have to gets the Keds to go with, maybe even matching colors!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh...too funny. The sweaters just kill me. really, they should be outlawed.
You did not list your "mom jeans" They must hit above your belly button to make your back side look huge.
I plead w/ the husband: "I don't care how bad the economy is, don't make me drive a mini-van!!!"
Good luck. :)

Mark said...


Amie said...

I hope the minivan doesn't arrive before Saturday...otherwise, no waffle fries for you.
Don't forget the Christmas socks and earrings to match your sweaters. At least shopping for you from now on will be more coordinating with pink extensions, instead it will be coordination with Santa and Rudolph.

Karen said...

Whoa, nobody told me that there was a checklist to owning the minivan. We're fortunate that we were able to get one since I'm obviously a non-conformist.

WA said...

And be sure to make room in the back for your big box of scrapbook supplies. You are going to look HOT.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I think you're set.

Enjoy your cool new ride.

bernthis said...

oh wait, you forgot something: A collection of pretty aprons.

pat said...

i sitll miss my minivan....most convenient vehicle in the world, kids or not!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Homa - I think that is a fab idea. And Vera Bradley bags to match, too!

Suz - You're right... mom jeans are a must. Where do you buy those tapered numbers?

Mark - Yeah, you can't judge! You won't be driving it.

Amie - How far I've come, right??? Dog collars for lace collars.

Karen - Maybe that is a sign that they'll let me in the club without getting a bob?!?!?!

WA - I didn't even think of that. Must go tote shopping today!

Lisa - I know... you're jealous!

Pat - That is the hope I am clinging to! Everyone says I will love it when I get it.

Mark said...

I am not judging I am just saying that I LOVE the Rock n' Roll Shoes and Pink Hair Extensions. In fact I think we should get flames detailed on the side.

Snowbrush said...

I hope you like your minivan. We have a maxivan (3/4 ton), but JUST got a Camry because my wife is afraid to drive the van to work.

Karen MEG said...

Welcome to the club... ahem.

So, from one who said "I'll drive a minivan when hell freezes over" ... and then it did (well, we had a freaky snowstorm, our mayor called in the army, I got pregnant, we moved to the burbs, and then we inherited the blandest, tannest, minivan that has about a zillions clones ...) once you cross over, you will be hardpressed to go back. I swear. That being said, I'm always fighting my husband for his car keys.

And just for the record, although I have been known to cook the occasional meatloaf I cannot STAND Celine or Marie ;).

You're hilarious.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mark - I wonder how much flames would cost?

Snowbrush - Luckily, I don't work... so I think the van is all I get. I am a little afraid to park it in the garage.

Karen MEG - Everyone says once I get it, I'll love it. I bet that is true because we just don't fit in my small SUV. I think you and I will start a trend that makes minivans cool.

Snowbrush said...

" I am a little afraid to park it in the garage."

Our big van will only fit by inches, and only then if you fold the side mirrors. I hung a bauble so that it would just touch the windshield when the van was far enough forward, and I stretched a cord the length of the garage so that it would just touch the driver's side mirror to guide the driver as she was pulling in.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Snowbrush - Yeah, my husband says we need this laser gadget that will tell me when to stop. You run into one work bench with a small SUV and you're labeled a "bad parker" for life!