Monday, March 23, 2009

How do you know you know?

I read a fair amount and sometimes an article descends from the publication Gods right when I need it most. If Will has ear infections, by some miracle Family Circle will magi-pear an article all about kids and ear infections. When Tabbi and Mark were going to Six Flags, Good Housekeeping had a divinely inspired article about theme park safety. This time the article was "Should We Have One More" in Parents magazine. And, it has come right at the time Mark and I are having this same debate. And by Mark and I, I mean me talking at Mark while he plugs his ears and hums loudly.

I don't know if its biological or emotional, but recently I have been feeling the desire to have one more kid (and by have one more I mean get pregnant in two years and guarantee that its a girl). I know, everyone who knows me is like "WHOA? DO YOU NOT READ YOUR BLOG?!?!?!" but mental breakdowns aside, I feel the yearning for a little girl. I have my beautiful (and by beautiful I mean bouncing off the walls) boys, but I see little girls on TV and little girl clothes and hear about little girl activities and I want that. And, I have Tabbi, but its just not the same. (Insert snide comment about how that is my fault here.) I didn't have her at birth and she doesn't do the little girly activities that I long for. Plus, we just don't get along most of the time. And I can't help but feel like inheriting her (which was mostly my idea and I still know was the right thing to do) has taken my option of one more out of the equation without my permission. So, as far as I can tell, my options are to try for a little girl or completely confuse one of my boys by forcing them into a gender identity crisis. I want my little baby girl and a room that looks like the Pepto Bismol plant exploded in it.

Then I think to the newborn phase. I hate being up all night. I hate feedings and inconsolable crying. And I think about my current life and how most days I am barely hanging onto sanity by a thread and oh my God, how could I handle another one? But, pink sometimes beats out sleeplessness. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I yearn for the time in life when the kids are more independent. Will is going to start preschool in the fall, which means Jack isn't really that far behind. And when both boys are in school, I can decide what I want to be when I grow up (as if there is more to life than spit up and blogging). I could have a career again, and high heel shoes. Sometimes the idea of an adult life wins out. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the idea of a little Olivia Eleanor or Katheryn Lily does.

So, I read this article devouring the words, waiting for the epiphany at the end to tell me if I really want another or not. Let me share with you the gem of wisdom this article had for me. "How do you know? You know. " Wha huh? You just know? What a load of crap? What if you know this minute while I am typing contentedly on the computer, but then you know something else a minute later when Jack is screaming his fool head off because he doesn't want a nap and Will is shrieking like a mad man because he tripped over Big Red, his stupid, always under foot truck. Then the article said this profound comment "If you don't know... well... that means you're not done." Really? Is this the logic that got Octomom where she is? If you think about having a kid, you better get knocked up ASAP before you use the sense God gave you and decide that is not the best idea.

So, I read my divinely sent article, and I am still lost. The good news is that I don't have to decide today. Mirena commercials say that I can have it removed at any time and still pop out those little poopers. The other thing to consider is that reading this blog entry will undoubtedly give Mark a stroke, which means that I can't have another kid because I am going to run through his life insurance way too quickly as it is... I'd never be able to afford another one.

11 comments:

Homa said...

You know I've always wanted you to have a girl; just to hear you confess it is ballet music to my ears!

I know with the advancement of science and all that you can pretty much guarantee one...no?

Karen said...

I was walking through the baby aisles today in search of Vapor Bath (did they stop making that stuff?!) and told my daughter that I'm SOOOO glad that we're out of the baby stage around here. For the most part.

Busy Bee Suz said...

awwww...such a dilema. I felt that way too...not about having a girl, cause I have two but just about having another one. But I did not think about it till I was about 37 and the girls started to act decent to each other.
Little girls are not always girly....I have 2 lil' tomboys. They never liked dolls either. And I am still mad about that part.
good luck on your lil' talk.....or should I say, double check that life insurance policy.

Anonymous said...

I have fallen off my chair and died!!!
Laura the Famous

Mark said...

Look I am up for discussion on this topic I just wanted to take hormones our of the equation before we decided on having another child. Especially since the last time you found out you were pregnant you were not the happiest camper there was.

Homa - Ballet is Dance not Music

Homa said...

Mark - What do ballerina's dance to...silence?

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Homa - Maybe its time you take one for the team and pop out a girl. That way I get the benefits without providing a college education!

Karen - See... I get that sometimes, too! Then I sit back and say, but I'll never have that again, and want it. Then I remember I didn't like it in the first place.

Suz - Adding to life insurance as we speak.

Laura - Aww... I thought only Mark would do that.

Mark - Look who gets all talky talky when a blog entry is written. Before it was "I agree to discuss it in two years." And if you're going to get picky, neither dance nor music should be capitalized.

Homa - Bravo!

Mark said...

Homa - ballerinas dance to classical music and if we are going to continue the picky route there is no 's in "ballerina's"

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Mark - Quit nerding up my blog!

Jess said...

Can I let you know in 4 or 5 months if its a good idea?

You know I LOVE my boys to pieces. I mean sometimes I want to smack the Larry out of them, but I do love them. (I even think they are cute when they throw temper tantrums).

Am I thrilled beyond belief that this is a girl. Who's room DOES look like a pepto bismal plant blew up inside of it.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y297/Slingin_Momma/DSC_0002_resize.jpg

The clothes are beyond cute, and I have only unfolded them twice in the past week (once for my own giddy pleasure and once for mother's).

However if it had been a boy...it would have been okay...he wouldnt have been getting the in utero sex change. And his room would have been just as cute...just not pink.

I think its okay to leave the topic on the back burner for a bit...its back there...but you dont need to tend to it right now. Get the boys to sleep better (and umm...be potty trained) then decide if you can go back. And sometimes (like us) someone else makes that decision for you!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Jess - You need to have your little girl and then adopt a 10 year old, too and let me know if 4 seems like a good round number. Because some days (like today) I think three is three too many.