Monday, May 11, 2009

Dear Mr. Sexually Harassing Texter Guy:

This morning, I received a text message. It was beautiful... poetic... romantic. I have never before heard (or read in this case) that kind of love and affection. Clearly, it was not meant for me. Mr. Romance said, "I had to look at that booty first thing this morning. Hope my peek didn't wake you." Well, Mr. 614 Area Code (which I Googled and is Columbus, OH), let me just respond to your little love text.

First of all, while my booty may be large enough to be seen from Ohio, you better be glad that you weren't sneaking at peek at my behind while I was trying to sleep. I am pretty sure "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy would have started playing and the hand you used to pull back the covers, along with the eyes you were attempting to see with would not have made the trip back.

Second, while I am sure the Mensa candidate you were peeking at this morning may pretend like she is flattered by your need to stare at her derriere, she really wants you to go the hell away so she can keep sleeping. Unless she is a Hooters gal running around in boy shorts with her cheeks hanging out all day and night, she would rather keep that feather comforter pulled up to her chin and snooze than have you drooling over the goodies. In fact, even if she is Miss Hooters USA, unless you are leaving a tip, back away from the butt cheeks. Really, we females would rather sleep than have you anywhere near us.... so back off, 614.

Thirdly, I just thought I would mention that sneaking a peek at someone's "booty" while they are sleeping, is just a little bit creepy. Ok, its a lot creepy. If you wanna compliment your honey's buns... why not wait til she is awake? Standing up. And has the option as to whether or not she wants to slap your face for making a comment about her rear. I mean, come on... do you not watch Law & Order: SVU? Don't make me go Detective Stabler on YOUR ass... because I will.

And lastly, dear Mr. 614. If you are going to sexually harass your girlfriend or wife (or I guess boyfriend...) and then text her about it later... get the friggin' number right!!!

Love,
317

9 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh....
I suppose this is the upside to me not having text on my phone. :)

BLC :o said...

Hey ladybug! You must need a bigger car. Hehe. Are you in for the swap!? I will assume so unless you delete your comment. Thanks for playing and happy Monday! Xoxo-BLC

Amie said...

Did you text back to him the link to this blog...I think he needs to read it. No doubt Mr. 614 thought that his remark super cool and smooth...just like I'm sure he is.

the mama bird diaries said...

That is so funny. I want a morning text like that!

bernthis said...

I think this might be the funniest post you ever wrote. Seriously, I loved this. What great material. Makes me hope I get one just like it...okay, no I don't.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Suz - Yeah, don't get it.

BLC - I guess so. Is there a Koozies R Us store near me?

Amie - I should! I texted him back "next time you are sending some1 peeping tom confessions, get the # right." Not as long as my post, but he didn't write back so he must have gotten the point.

Mama Bird - Have your hubs read the post. Then he'll know to sneak a peek and text you later.

Bern - We all gotta have goals, right???

Momo-Mama said...

ok...that is just freakin' hilarious!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Momo - I just hope 614 stumbles across this someday. I think it will teach him a valuable lesson.

metamorphstorm said...

I once got a text meant for someone else...fortunately, it was my boyfriend trying to text a mechanical (as in, car-related) joke to a coworker-friend...

I never got the joke, not being much of a mechanics girl, but at least I didn't accidentally get a text like the one you got! :P