Friday, May 15, 2009

If you sell it, they will come...

I keep hearing "Flight of the Bumblebees" going through my head as I look out the windows today. Not only that, but I hear MissyBellaYuki barking her fool head off. No, it is not killer bee season in Indiana.... its worse. Its the community garage sale. Dum dum dum.

Minivans, pick ups and sedans have flooded our neighborhood unleashing hordes of junk purchasers. I can see them walking back to their cars with their 50 cent treasures, cradling the broken lamps or used baby paraphernalia in their arms as if they just won a Macy's shopping spree. Who knew that you could get the ShamWow for $1.00! Sure, its used... but throw it in the washer and its good as new (right... that's not blood stains is it???). And over there... they've got Diaper Genie! Used to be white, now its kind of dingy beige... but we'll call it "ecru" so that people still think its worth buying for $2.25! Wait... don't stop yet... at this house, you can get VHS tapes for a dime a piece. No VCR? Don't fret, across the yard is another house selling a VCR for $5.00. You've hit the mother load, my friend! There is more crap than you could shake a stick at... and if you buy the whole box, they'll throw the stick in for free!

I am typing with a thick layer of sarcasm, because I just don't get it. One man's trash is another man's treasure? Not on my pirate ship! If you're getting rid of it, its junk. If you didn't need it in the last four years, neither do I. And while I am sure that matchbox car set has plenty of miles left on it (despite the fact that the road is clogged with dried jello and the car wheels are missing), I just would rather save my quarters for... I dunno... anything else on the planet that I don't have to clean, fix, and fumigate before using.

Don't get me wrong. I am not opposed to a bargain. My entire baby room furniture set came from a garage sale, and I love it. I registered for $900 worth of crib/dresser/rocker goodness from Babies R Us (where the R stands for rip off), but when a similar looking, decent quality crib set appeared at a garage sale my friend was trolling, we rushed out and bought it. $300 rather than $900 sounded good to me. But come on. You, lady in the green sweatshirt with the teddy bear on it, do you really need that angel statue with one wing broken off? You are proudly loading it into your Chevy Cavalier as we speak and I ask you... what are you going to do with that broken angel? And you, sir, who is walking around with a used pooper scooper and Diaper Genie mentioned above. You do know that they are not used together, right? And honey, those shoes may have been a bargain, but that doesn't mean those suckers should be seen in the light of day. What a Thai hooker can pull off doesn't necessarily work for a soccer mom, ok.

I have had garage sales before (don't let me forget to tell you about the one my mom had when she had no front teeth! When in Rome, right???), and I have been to garage sales before (always with all my teeth). But, the last venture out (our community sale last year) solidified the fact that if you want to throw it out, so do I. And earning $50 in two days from sitting in my garage surrounded by my own junk just isn't worth it. I'm a Goodwill/AmVets girl and proud of it.

11 comments:

Yo mama said...

Oh sure -- bring up the missing teeth. Make sure you mention I DID NOT live in a trailer park and now have wonderful, state-of-the art dental implants!

The Real Lori said...

OMG! I can NOT believe you didn't tell me it was your neighborhood garage sale today! YOU SUCK! Your neighborhood has one of the best in town...and I missed it! And don't tell me there is still tomorrow, everyone knows the best crap is gone on the first day! Unlike you, Miss Prima Donna, I LIVE for garage saling!!! Not sure if I can even speak to you today...

Jocelyn said...

I love a good find at a garage sale...but you're right: all too often, it's just junk. And whenever I've had a sale, my husband always shows me how much more we could have deducted each item for if we'd donated it.

Sigh.

Amie said...

I'm with you. Although I'm sure that many amazing bargains have been found at yard sales, I am not going to be out searching for that treasure at 7AM. As for having them, I also would rather just give it to Goodwill...I don't have the patience to sit around all day and negotiate with people over a quarter.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I volunteer at a big charity garage sale every year, and the crap they put out for sale there is enough to make me vomit. And what's worse is that PEOPLE BUY IT!!! Yes, they do!! I will never understand...

the mama bird diaries said...

i hate junk. I'm a toss or recycle kind of girl.

she just wants to be said...

We can't do garage sales (in New England they are called 'Tag Sales' as if that makes it more sophisticated?)my kids find too much CRAP that they just can't live without.... But we have to stay away from them, we have enough crap...

♥ Braja said...

Laughing at Yo mama's comment. Damn, she's whiny isn't she?

Karen said...

I'm a fan of Goodwill myself. We live in the rural areas (read, drive 10 miles between good yard sales) and I hate spending all day and a tank of gas in hopes of finding something. One something. Go to Goodwill and there are racks and racks to choose from. It's so much easier.

Karen Bell Photography said...

You STILL crack me up! I totally laughed out loud when I read this. You need to write a book!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Yo Mama - Sure... brag about your bionic teeth!

Lori - Thank god you were able to make it on Saturday. I would hate all those used towels and broken toilet seats not to get their deserved attention.

Jocelyn - Your husband is my hero!

Amie - I agree. If I price something a quarter and someone offers a dime, I may lose it and punch them.

Mary - You should keep a log and write a book about the weird stuff people buy. I bet it would be hilarious.

Mama Bird - I am a compulsive tosser. Isn't that an insult in australia? Maybe I shouldn't admit that?

She Just Wants to Be - Tag sale sounds way better. If I ever have a garage sale, I am totally calling it that.

Braja - You have no idea.

Karen - 10 miles away from the nearest garage sale?!?!? Sounds heavenly!

Karen Bell - I will write it, but I am pretty sure you'd be the only one reading it!