Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mothers Day Post - a day late and many dollars short

Pregnancy books don't tell you all you need to know about pregnancy. They leave out things like the shakes that I got after Will was born. I didn't know that I would come out of the operating room shaking so hard I couldn't hold my own son. Its normal, they all said ("they" being doctors), but then why wasn't it in What to Expect When You're Expecting or The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. Surely someone should have mentioned that I would have sudden onset (but luckily temporary) Parkinson's.

Other friends don't tell you everything you need to know about motherhood either. I didn't know that the second Will was born, I would cease to exist anymore. No one told me that every single goal and life plan that I had prior to his birth would disappear at the sight of him... only to be replaced with new goals and plans that revolve solely around him. Worse, no one told me that I might not feel the same about Jack right away. I didn't know that it could take time to bond with a baby. I didn't know that I was not Satan's spawn because my entire Will-focused world didn't implode at the sight of Jack.

I also didn't know that after I did bond with Jack, my heart would become large enough to hold Will and Jack in it equally. When I was pregnant, I wondered if I could love my second kid anywhere near as much as I did Will. It didn't seem possible. But, now I know that I do and it is scary to think these little creatures (one of whom just tried to eat yellow chalk) can control your every emotion. They have the power to make you cry, terrified, angry, loving, frustrated and nurturing all within a minute and a half. I didn't know that.

I didn't know that someone's well being would become so much more important than my own. My own physical pain will take a back burner to their needs. I didn't know that at all.

I didn't know that the inability to potty train my almost three year old could make me feel like such a monumental failure.

I didn't know that I could hold my breath for an entire 30 minutes waiting to find out if Jack's EEG looked normal.

I didn't know that poop could be that color.... and I don't want to know how it got that way.

I didn't know that I could go all day without eating, just because holding my newborn filled me up better than food.

I didn't know that a skinned knee could break your heart.

I didn't know that they would like Mark better than me. And I don't know why.

I didn't know that the second one wasn't going to sleep through the night. EVER.

I didn't know that there are times when the first sleeps in his own bed, that I would sit in my bed and wish he would wake up so I could bring him in and cuddle with him.

I didn't know that staying at home with them all day every day could drive me so nuts.

I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to leave them.

I didn't know that Catholic guilt would have nothing on motherhood guilt.

I didn't know that it would become possible, and in fact likely, that I would go through an entire day with stains on my ratty t shirt.... and not bother to change it.

Most of all, I didn't know that all of those cheesy cliches about motherhood being the best thing I will ever do were right. Those Hallmark people... they know what they're talking about!

7 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

awwww..this is really sweet.
Can I add to the list? I didn't know that after having a C-section that the next day I would have a case of "gas" so painful that I wanted the baby put back IN!!!!

Memories.

I love all your I didn't knows.....so true.
Go, enjoy those boys. Keep the yellow chalk away and for heavens sakes..put on a clean shirt today. ;)
Suz

Homa said...

I didn't know that the pink tipped blond, dog wearing collar, kick your ass matrix style girl would turn out to be such a great mother.

Crazy Mo said...

I think of all these things and marvel at the fact that my mother didn't let me drown in the bathtub one day. I was a horrible brat and really gave her a run for her money. Despite her curse that I should have children as horrible as me one day, I unfortunately never did. My stepkids are wonderful, though. Maybe just not having my own kids is her revenge!

bernthis said...

ditto, ditto, ditto. I also didn't know that I would be raising her alone and end up becoming the most confident I've ever been because of it.

Kristina said...

Hi Lynn! I'm new to your blog and already have fallen in love. You hit the nail on the head with this one.

I didn't know that I would want to scratch my face off while the c-section meds were wearing off...oh Lord, it itched so bad.

I also didn't know that due to having a C-section, it would take TWO weeks for the swelling in my ankles to go away. Curse you, hobbit feet...curse you.

reneelee said...

I just radomly found your blog and came upon this post. It was lovely.

All I can say is Amen sister.
:)

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Suz - Ugh! I forgot that I didn't know that. I hated it when I had my C section and they said I had to pass gas before leaving the hospital, so I tried so hard and it felt like my insides were shredding.

Homa - Awww.... Thanks. But, wouldn't I be a cooler mom if I brought the dog collar back???

Mo - I wonder how any kids survive sometimes!!!

Bern - That's a really cool thing not to know. Because I am pretty sure in your situation, I would either curl up and die or run to my mommy for help.

Kristina - Thanks for reading! Hey, I remember that! I didn't know that either...and somehow forgot the itchiness from baby 1 to baby 2. Its a miracle I have any skin left.

Reneelee - Thanks for reading, too! And thanks for the compliment.